i'm doing it.

ok, ok, WE are doing it. all the people that have loved me through the tears and failures of the hardest year of my life, are making it possible for me to enjoy some of the BEST moments of my life, when i meet my bio family in korea. i'm leaving dec 28th!! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. aaaaaahhhhhhhh!! sorry, been kinda holding it in. :) crazy, crazy, crazy, year that is going to end in korea with my bio family. who would've believed it, not me.

its about all the people who believed in me, when i didn't. this year has been heartache for so many people. i have required tons of patience, butt-kickings, ultimatums, and tough love. I have found more grace, mercy, and love than i could ever imagine. The Lord and His people, my friends and family have made all the difference in the world. After everything, its still hard for me to believe i get to do this. ahem, that we get to do this.

Only the Lord Jesus, can make a way when there is no way. Only he can cover heaviness with garments of praise. Only he can create a new song. Only he can handle the mess I made and only he can make it new. the feeling of joy has been astray for a long time. you know, the kind of joy that makes you giggle, smile for no reason, talk really fast and high pitched, even jump a little in the air, yeah that, that is a gift from God. yes Lord, i'll receive it. i mean, we will receive it.

widows and orphans

before i saw your eyes
i answered
before you even asked
i decided
in my heart not to give
you a chance
listening ear
or helping hand

no love to share
time to offer
comfort to sacrifice
i pray
i didn't
look like the one
i follow

i cursed you with the tongue
i reserve for blessing
you found the pharisee
in me, the logging truck
in my eye

forgive me sister,
my heart grieves for the
lost chance
with deep shame, i beg for mercy
that you and your daughter
were entertained by angels

God deal with me
justly.
honestly.
keep my mouth from speaking

before my heart decides
by your grace to always
give
value
to who you value

family is...

the ones who know exactly what makes you laugh
the ones who know exactly what makes you mad
the ones who have been there through all life stages,
especially the akward middle school yrs and terrible haircuts
the ones who will return your presents with no shame
the ones who you fight with because you love so much
the ones who always repeat your embarassing childhood stories when guests are around
the ones who tell you its ok to dream of being the first woman in the NBA and NFL
the ones who laugh at you even when you are trying to be serious
the ones who make sure you don't go hungry and the oil in your car has been changed
the ones who you want around when you are sick
the ones you miss during the holidays
the ones you go home to
the ones who love you no matter what
the ones you are proud to call family.

hi family!

today i am celebrating me. well not really, me, but i'm celebrating having a family. today 26 years ago my parents became parents. I arrived fresh off the plane from korea into the loving arms of my mom and dad. being adopted kinda means you have two birthdays. today i will celebrate being a "saathoff". people look at me down here and think my last name should be kim, lee, kwon, anything asian, but its not, saathoff's are from texas. this is a special day for me and my family. so a shout out to my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, my favorite baby sis, my wonderful mom and dad. no nieces or nephews yet, boo, you better get on that. here's to pac 10 football, the portland trailblazers, fishing at buoy 10, egg nog cake, chocolate zucchini bread, "chicken tuna" sandwiches, my mom's amazing hospitality, my dad's generosity, my sister's laugh. cheers to my family who makes me, me.