Dead man walking

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

I MUST DIE..."I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Gal 2:20
I MUST GIVE UP..."Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39

I MUST BREAK..."The sacrfices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God you will

not despise." Psalm 51:17

I AM THE SACRIFICE.."No, I insist on paying the full price...I will not sacrifice a burnt offering that costs
me nothing." 1 Ch 21:24

broken

Satan is terrified by humility. hmmmmmm.

Bombs are dropping while you're shopping!!!!

Portland was fun. Lacey and I went to hang out for the day on Sunday. I bought some Reefs for half price at Nordstroms rack and also tried on the bridesmaid dress I will be wearing for my best friends wedding in May. It is definetly pink. Its cute sure I guess, but its still a dress and its still pink. I need to go tanning.

There was also the largest peace aka anti war, anti-bush protest I have seen in portland. It totally closed down the streets. It just kept going and there were tons of people marching. There were people chanting and yelling and holding their signs. One woman had a a megaphone and was yelling the above statement. There were people dressed up as the prisoners at Guatanamo Bay, orange jump suits with black covering over their head, who were stopped in the middle of the street. They were hand cuffed and some were standing and some were kneeled. There were like 6 of them I think and the word "Why?" was written on them. It was a powerful statement. Anyways, i felt bad for the poor drivers cuz they just had to wait and we are were in the middle of downtown by pioneer courthouse square so there were lots of cars.

Just so you know my opinion:

Is President Bush a christian: sure
Are christians perfect: no
Has he done minimal good for our country: yes
Is he a bad president: absolutely
Do I pray for Him like the bible says to pray for our leaders: yes
Am I against the war in Iraq: absolutely
Would I go to jail for my opinion: I don't know. Would you?

Christians will have to take a stand. Its been the prophesy of our times and generation.
Would you face persuction for the Word of God? I was wondering if you were going to China if you would smuggle in bibles at the risk of jail and who knows what? When i think about if i would do it, my world gets rocked cuz i would intially justify saying no. However the more I have been thinking about the reason I would say no, I realize that my faith is pointless and worthless and for lack of a better word s---, if I would say no. Think about it cuz I want to know if our generation is ready to say something.

Its been a long day

Work today was interesting. We were short staffed again and usually that makes the time go by fast cuz we are so insanely busy, but it was a slow long and busy day. A lady passed away this morning and out of respect i won't post the story online, but its a funny, not really funny, morid kinda if you think about it too much story. Yeah know what i mean? Anyways encounters with our empty earthen vessels can just be awkard and make for strange stories. I was sad though, wheres her soul? It makes me rethink what is important and if we don't live for God than we really don't live for much.

Then from work i went to observe in the ER. It was interesting and made me remember why I wanted to be a doctor. Its so fun and I truly do love medicine. It would be awesome to do it, but unfortunately not quite as awesome as ministry. But I can't define thats its fun and probably is in me somewhere.

And soon the most important part of my day after laundry and making my lunch for tomorrow is my weekly intercessory prayer meeting. Its funny cuz just within the last year I have known and felt the call to prayer more and intercede. It was one for the first gifts that was drawn out of me after I got saved and maybe thats natural, but my prayer life although i hate to admit it was way more spirit led than it is now. I was also at linfield and in the real world so i had no choice but to rely on the power of prayer. Here i think i have gotten used to praying only if i wanted to not because i have absolutely have to. All that said i have gotten to separate words, one from my youth pastor that I am called to be an intercessor. Its an interesting journey cuz i would have jumped and believed that word a lot easier in the beginning but now i'm like ok, hmmmmm, ok. anyways, after prayer is bed and 7 hrs later a new day. Praise the Lord.

I love church.

My sis is home for her spring break and I convinced her to come over and spend the night Monday. It was great sister time at the Olive Garden, Old Navy and squished on my bed to watch Mean Girls on my computer. I had a gift card for Old Navy so I told my sis I would let her pick out one new outfit. There was a small bit of compromise, but to her liking i ended up buying these "cute" jeans that look like I wore them on serve day. I objected to buying jeans with paint all over them, but stuck to my deal for her sake. I picked out a new jacket and we agreed on a shirt. So anyways who knows when I'll bust it out, but believe me you'll know when its all new clothes. It will be pretty obvious, just look for the jean with paint splatter on my butt. :)

Tonight was the first time I could go to Wed. night church all semester cuz bible study got switched to Wed. Now that it got switched back to Tues I can go to Gen Church again. I was totally in my happy place and I realized how much I missed Wed church. So amazing. Tonight Pastor Nicole from Austrailia spoke about taking a stand. It was good. The parts that grabbed my heart were, "What are your convictions and what are your preferences?" and "I can hear your words, but if I test you, who are you?" Seriously awesome truth to consider and seek the Lord for. Lots to talk to God about.

I had a phone interview with Nike, but it was pretty generic so I can't tell you how it went. I might find out something in the next week or so. San Diego might be a primary option for next year. Still undecided if that is the next step, but my heart is asking the Lord for the answer. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

food for thought: Do we rely on His word? If not, what do we rely on and why?

History

It’s been a bad day
You’ve been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it’s hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can’t stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let’s take a walk into today
And don’t let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

By Matthew West

This song was on my heart for our generation while I was in D.C.

Oh boy.

I am going to be so sore tomorrow. Today was such a fun day snowboarding. I had so much fun and I'm not making that up. It was better than I expected because usually by lunch time I am wet cold and have a concussion, but today was really fun. Have told you how fun it was? I'm really glad I went. I feel bad that LD got sick though cuz we didn't get to go back out, but the conditons got a little intense after lunch anyway. I had so much fun I might actually have to consider going again. Besides, there are some really cool people that didn't get to come this time that will have to come next time. I'm not sure if I will be able to move tomorrow cuz I can alreay feel the lactic acid pooling in my muscles. :) Anyways, heres to the best week yet.

It was totally an accident

So i was filling out my Nike Internship application, but I wasn't planning on submitting it quite yet. I filled out the info, attached my resume but I wanted to think about it more and also look over my resume again. At the last possible page before clicking submit, I clicked save and exit so that I could go back and think about this amazing opportunity before actually applying. But when I checked my email the next day I got an email from Nike HR saying thanks for submitting your application and we will respond after we have reviewed your qualifications blah, blah, blah,. WHAT?!?! I read the email like 5 times and I'm pretty sure I accidently applied for the job. Its not really a bad thing, but I didn't put that much thought into it or pray about it and I hadn't mentally prepared myself for what the outcome could be either way. I was pretty sure I wanted to apply, but now I already did and I didn't do it on purpose. It has kinda caught me off guard. I wasn't totally sure I wanted this internship, but oh well its too late. What does all this mean? ;)

I don't like the taste of envelopes when you have to lick them, but last night I accidently discovered that if you are sucking on a mint while you are licking the envelope, the enevelope tastes minty. This could be a fool proof plan to avoid the awful envelope taste in the future. I always thought they should come up with flavored enevelopes. The same thing smelly markers do for your nose, flavored envelopes could do for your mouth.

btw does anyone remember Squeeze-its?? Do those exsist anymore? They were so cool when I was kid. "SQUEEEEZZZE the fun out of them" Can you imagine how they came up with that name? All these rich people in a board room trying to name this amazing juice product and someone says, "Well you squeeze it." Another person says, "Thats it! We will call it a Squeeze-it!" Wow that makes me laugh out loud. I wonder if it was the same people that invented "push-ups". Those were such a rare treat from the Schwan Ice cream truck, but seriously a "Squeeze-it" and a "Push-up". You gotta love free market, capitalist America. Any idea could be the next big thing. Cool, lets thing of something.

Nike

I have decided to apply for an Athletic Training Internship at Nike. I doubt that I will get it cuz its so outrageous and I bet lots of people will apply, but its an opportunity that would fit into my summer plans. It would be a full time paid internship from June-Aug. I don't really have a reason not to apply so I guess I might as well try. I'm not really expecting anything out of it, but I have to admit I wouldn't turn it down if I got it. Its just really random and I'm not sure what will come of it. hmmmm....

The moral of the story

Well Pride and Prejudice won the battle and there were at least 3 guys that were good sports and watched the whole thing. I, on the other hand kept falling asleep and wasn't really that interested so I just packed. It may be sacreligious, but I really have no interest in watching Pride and Prejudice. I know its supposed to be a classic, but I just don't think i could watch it. I would really really really really have to be in the "mood" to watch it and I doubt that will ever happen. God didn't create me with the urge to watch movies like that.

The last days in D.C were spent at the Holocaust Museum, Georgetown and Arlington Cementary. I was in awe at all three. The Holocaust Museum was really well done and took you through from the Nazis rise to power past liberation and where the Jew went after the war. It demonstrated the whole process of what happened prior to the death camps and how the Holocaust became what it did. It was honestly a good history lesson. At Georgetown I was enlightened about the amount of money people spend for "good" and/or namebrand clothes. Georgetown is this hip trendy downtown area with lots of shopping, food etc. It was amazing to me that outside of my little GFU bubble its normal to spend $175 on jeans, $60 on a hoodie and $80 on a skirt. I don't mean normal for just people in D.C., but normal for some of the people I was with. Not everybody though cuz one of the guys with us that has been homeschooled described Georgetown as being kinda like shock treatment. At Arlington I learned that freedom is not free.

I'm home now and still jet-lagged, but besides that I have a fresh burden and passion for prayer and evangelism. Two powerful neccesities of our christian walk and I was challenged by both. I want to continue to seek and grow in both areas. In regards to His will and plan for the next step all I know is that He said I have asked too small.

pride and prejudice vs. narnia

There is a current debate about what movie to watch. Asim wants to watch Narnia because he is like the only one who hasn't seen it and Lisa wants to watch pride and prejudice. The girls for the most part are on Lisa's side and pretty much nobody is on Asim's side. I bet they will just keep talking about it and then we won't end up watching either one cuz it will be late. We will see. I might just get in the shower. We are going home tomorrow I can't believe we have been gone a whole week. It will be good to be home though. I will be home for 2 wks and then leave for MS for a week. Time is going by so fast. Less then 2 months until graduation. I can't believe it.