GU, ER, BD

I went to Generation Unleashed this weekend. It was really good as always. Good teaching, awesome speakers, God rocks. It was different for me this time. I knew it would be though, God is working in a different way than before. Forget everything i ever said about not being a cryer, cuz that has changed in the last two weeks. Nothing but jesus used to make me cry, but now I cry all the time. Most of the time its just been a lot more Jesus, but still its humbling cuz its not just crying, but people actually seeing me cry. YIKES! Humble pie...
This weekend I also had my first ambulance ride. I can't really say much about it cuz i was totally out it, but I had to go to the ER and I was in so much pain I couldn't move so my dad had to call the ambulance. It was a crazy afternoon. I had the worst cramps of my whole life and I was in the most severe pain I could ever imagined. It hit me all of sudden right when I woke up to go to church. I think I was starting to go into shock,cuz my dad said I was pale, weak, cold, sweating and shivering. It hurt so bad I couldn't move or really talk. Anyways I went to ER and by the time I got there I was already feeling better, so I felt stupid. All that drama for an anti-climatic ending. They just sent me home and I was still feeling weak and tired so I slept the rest of the day. Then my parents drove me and my car home last night. I didn't go to work today cuz I still don't feel great, but 100x better than the pain I was in yesterday.
So i'm fine, but I needed some comfort last night so an amazing friend came over and I bought the Bethany Dillion cd that we listened to constantly when we were in hawaii. I wasn't much of a bethany dillion fan before that trip, but now it puts me in my happy place. These last couple weeks I've really needed a happy place so great music and great company were just what i needed to make it a great night.

Feb. 3

Do you ever get tired of worrying about the same things? I am tired of this big question mark that I feel like is staring me right in the face, so I'm going to take the first step of faith. I'm overwhelmed by all the decisions I have to make so I'm just going to focus on the first one. God and I talked and by faith I will make my decision with peace and promises by Feb 3, 9 days from now. I am deciding whether or not to take my National Certification Exam to become an Athletic Trainer on April 2nd. There is plenty of human wisdom for whatever I decide, but I'm seeking only God's power to open or close the door. please pray for me.

i don't have any reason to say no

God said he wanted a year after graduation, where I couldn't work or go to school and my only reward could be Him and His Kingdom. I was thinking a ministry internship, but is God thinking a year in missions? I could combine ministry and my degree for a year somewhere like africa or asia. I say to God, " Why Lord, I am not a missionary." God says to me,"Maybe you are."

The truth is

Well the truth is that I already knew the answer to the question I posed in my last blog. Last Saturday in church I realized that I couldn't go to Super Sunday and so I prayed about it. God gave me the most amazing peace about going to the meeting and missing super sunday. He said basically the same thing that you did britt, that faith chooses the impossible. When has a meeting ever been better than church????? By faith, sunday's meeting is going to rock. Britt you are like JESUS! But I already knew that. :) I also wrote my support letter for the trip this week and I got really excited and emotional about the whole thing. God also told me to ask Pastor Asim and Lisa if they would pray over me since I was missing sunday. I talked about it with Lisa on wed. so hopefully that works out. I just got all stressed out and anxious about life. At this point I'm fully convinced that this meeting is where I am supposed to be and I'm excited about it. I can't put it into words, but its God.

In Donald Millers book Blue like jazz, he has an amazing supernatural experience in which God speaks to him. A few moments later he began to doubt it and asked God to speak to Him again, but God answered, " Why should I tell you again? You heard me the first time." I don't know why we doubt, I guess because God doesn't always make sense and its hard to trust things that don't make sense.

Psalm 25 is my favorite psalm and in verse 9 it says, " He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." I realized recently that this verse doesn't say "they will automatically know my way." We wish it said that, but it says "He teaches." This must mean that instead of just knowing God's way, we have to LEARN God's way. Learning requires perseverance, time and patience. I haven't learned something completey new in a long time. Sometimes I like to make it a new years resolution, but I haven't done it in awhile. Learning the guitar was the last thing and that was like 3 years ago. The older I get the less new things I learn how to do because I run out of time and patience. Is that how we treat learning God's way? Do we give up on God's way because it isn't familiar right away so we run out of time and patience fo it? In verse 10 God promises that His way is loving and faithful and in verse 12 He promises that it is chosen just for us. In all my life questions I just want to know the answers, but I think the Lord rather teach me answers. I want God's way with all my heart so I must be willing to learn it.

I'm obssesed

with Church. I was supposed to work tomorrow night at the mens bball game in wilamette, but I was stressed out cuz that would mean I couldn't go to church at all this weekend. Being the desperate church addict I am I called in a favor and switched someone so I can work tonights game instead. However, my first spring serve meeting is Sunday night so I would have to miss Super Sunday service at Church. Which just in case you don't know, its the coolest church thing only behind generation unleashed. I had decided to miss church sunday night and go the meeting because it seemed like the right thing to do, but in light of recent events I feel like going to church is the only way I am going to survive. So now I have this dilema again and I'm stressing out like a drug addict trying to find their next fix. I never knew that being addicted to God could be so stressful. here are the

pros...

Church
- the most amazing anointed prophesy, prayer and worship time of the year. (besides GenUnleashed)
- I'm lost and desperate for God.
- My spirit is straved for the Holy Spirit.
- Church is the only other thing I have besides God.
- My heart just really needs encouragement and to know things are going to be ok.

Meeting
- I could meet the people I'm going on the serve trip with
- We are supposed to decide our normal meeting time
- It would be a good statement of integrity since i committed to this trip

cons...

Church
- everything, I hate missing church.

Meeting
- I feel like my team and leaders would think I'm skipping out or not committed to this trip.

this is a readers poll. Your vote matters. Britt if you are the only one that reads this than your vote REALLY counts.

Ps you have to pick one, i can't do both.

Stop being afraid

"Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." Acts 18:9

2 days off

I'm currently enjoying what would now be my weekend. I have today and tomorrow off from work in tualatin and too much time on my hands. Well, not really because there is always something to do, but there isn't too much I have to do. No assignements, or homework, eventually I will have to start my research project for Senior Seminar. I won't bore you with my topic, but it has to do with the preventation of ACL injuries in female athletes. One sure preventation is not to get malled while playing mud football during finals week freshman year (miki ann). BTW what will be our finals week rendevous? I know we are four years older, but does that mean we are four years less crazy??? Mud football again, we never did finish our game? Or who knows what? Britt you video taped that night didn't you? Oh that ridiculous canoe. Well i guess i have a couple things to work on, but I'll leave you with some recent God thoughts...

Every battle has to be won in prayer first.
A stronghold is anything that is strong enough to hold you back.
Freedom is a seed that reaps holiness.
If we remember what Jesus has done for us, then there is no price too high we could pay for Him.
Are we who today's society loosely calls "christians" or are we fully devoted followers of Christ?
There are specific things that must happen this year, things that are divinely necessary. God has already determined the "musts" of our life, He is looking for one who will do it.

Code Names

I wish I could come up with cool code names for my 3 different "jobs"/ types of work. I can't just say I have to go to work because it could be 3 different "works". 1st work is my paid job in Tualatin. This is my real life full time paid job. I can't wait until my first full pay check. I keep working like 2 days in each pay period so my checks are small. I'm looking forward to what a true 40hr a week paycheck looks like. 2nd work is my athletic training hours which is unpaid, but required. I'm currently working with the GFU Men's basketball team and I'm traveling with them to Lewis and Clark tomorrow for their game. 3rd work is with Andrea Crenshaw helping her with small groups. I go up and help her in the office a couple days a week and then I help with the small group leaders. Meetings, one-on-ones, paperwork etc. This is just cause I wanted to be involved in ministry again somehow. Do you see the dilema? If i say I have to "work" tomorrow it just gets confusing. Currently I specify by saying Tualatin, athletic training or small group stuff, but how boring!! I like nicknames it makes things more fun :)
Britt I still haven't seen you yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are you?????????????? BITTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!

Just for future reference here are my post grad options:

A. Athletic Training job ( High School or Physical Therapy Clinic)
B. Ministry Internship ( Seattle or San Diego or ?????)
C. Bible College (whoa!)
D. Full time Ministry (pastor?!?!?!?!, lets try assistant of the assistant of the assistant of the pastors assistant)
E. B,C
F. C,D

math folks, that gives me a 50% chance of ending up in bible college, an 83.3% chance of being in the ministry and a 16.7% chance of using my major.

A true calling from God is humanly impossible. A "job"should be the opportunity to get paid for what you love to do; simply a gift of Gods providence and blessing. A "ministry" should be just becoming the most like Jesus. We all get paid for ministry, how awesome is that! What a gift!

X-mas, New Years and Hawaii

Time flies when you are having fun. We are already a week into the new year, 2006. I loved the post on Britt's blog about the 90's!!! It was awesome cuz i could totally relate. In the 90's I never thought I would make it to 2000, let alone 2006! The rest of my time at home was great. My sister bought me Catch Phrase for x-mas so it was the center of attention for some unique family game time. It was hilarious! My mom and I always beat my dad and sis. Rach can always make me laugh. One time she looked at the screen enthusiastically and yelled, "I think it was a president...". While she was stumbling for clues the buzzer sounded and I looked to see what the name was. It was Nick Carter!!! HA!! I was like, "Boo, thats a backstreet boy!" Good times :) A couple days after x-mas it was off to hawaii with lacey and laura! We arrived to warm weather and sun! I certainly am not missing the rain. We met most of Mar's family (including dead relatives at the graveyard) over new years. It was fun to celebrate with traditions like visitng the graveyard, burning insense, making mochi and placing it around the house for good luck. Who knew rice cakes and tangerines brought good luck? I was also impressed with the fireworks. In hawaii they play fireworks like crazy people. They just light them in their hands and throw them out in the street like no big thing. I grew up with a little more conservative approach to fireworks, but i did light a fountain. My dad always told us it was too dangerous to light fireworks in your hand. Well, at midnight we went outside to play more fireworks. I got this bout of courage and I decided I was old enough to decide what was safe so I was going to light one firework in my hand and throw it in the street. The little neighbor kids were doing it, so it can't be that bad right? So lacey went first and came away with no harm, so now it was my turn. I light it and threw it into the street, it glowed, banged and then shot threw the air right into my thigh! Unreal!!! I didn't even look down, I just reacted with my hand thinking I was on fire. I was in shock for the rest of the evening laughing in unbelief that defying my father would lead to this. I'm glad this incident did not require remembering to "Stop, Drop and Roll."
While I'm here, my parents and sister decided on a whim to go to San Diego. It was totally random unplanned and unlike my parents. However I talked to them and they are having a blast. They went to the zoo and today they went to Sea World. Cool! Hawaii is better though, ocean kayaking, snorkeling, an ATV tour, new reef slipahs, new boardshorts, walking on lava fields from the volcano, getting stalked by a pufferfish, eating at bubba gumps and getting brown like an indian (as britt would say). Being sentimental and all, this type of vacation probably will not happen again for a REALLY long time. Its been worth it all.
Next up...my last semester, one credit, paid work, unpaid work, and graduation. Stay tuned.