I'm humbled

to realize it is I, who needs India, not the other way around.

I like weekends

Ever since I have been working I don't think I have had a weekend that I thought flew by and wished was longer. Weekends are so perfect. There is enough time to relax, have fun, enjoy not working and get things done. This might be because I'm boring, but so far weekends are the best perk to the real world. I finished my 3 essays I had to write on three different books. All the books have been insightful and challenging. I'm actally still reading one of them and its the one that is specifically about Calcutta. There is a slum in the city where the poorest and most destitute people live. The area is called the City of Joy and this book details the stories and experiences of both westerners, christians and the indians who live in this slum. It has been the greatest wake up call to what I'm getting into. I feel like I will never survive what I'm getting into and at the same time I'm questioning how I am ever going to leave the people i meet. The new adjective I have decided to best describe the way the poor in India live and are treated is inhumane. It makes me thing of the death camps in Germany and the jews in the holocaust. The poor and ill in India aren't getting gased and slaughtered, but they are in some ways being exterminated, left to die. Despite all this, the message from the slums in joy. There is no way to grasp that. The Lord has challenged to believe for not just joy, but hope for those I meet.

The thing that drives me the most and terrifies me the most about India is that for the first time in my life there will be no satisfication, no peace, no joy, no compassion, no hope and no love in me except through the power of Christ and the Holy Spirit. There will be no way to fake it, no way to rely on something else or turn to my own strength. I seriously mean nothing else, no other way, totally impossible. There is no humanly way for me to come away from India with any positive experience without fully relying on God and his promises. I will have nothing else and I'm getting the sense there will be nothing to live for except for eternity.

I dropped the turkey

Ok, not really, but I couldn't think of a good title. I'm glad I didn't drop the turkey. I'm sure some unfortunate soul out there did though. Couldn't you just wash it off? I'm happy to report thanksgiving went well here at my little humble abode. It was nice to see my family and the food turned out good i think. It wasn't nearly as stressful as I thought it would be, so that was a relief. It was strange to not go "home" for the long weekend. Usually its a much needed break from school and 4 days at my parents house is a nice breather, but this year people came here for a few hours Thursday and then I had a quiet weekend in my own place. I did make it out shopping for a few things and got some pretty sweet deals. When I shop for new clothes I have to pay attention to the brand so that I can wear whatever I get to work. Quite honestly it makes me buy things that I normally wouldn't or care about the brand when I normally wouldn't. I was in PacSun and I could only look at Hurley things because I can wear that brand to work because it is owned by Nike. I did find some nice sweaters and a hoody so it worked out ok. I really needed some new brown shoes and haven't found any "appropriate" ones so I splurged and bought some cute sketchers. I don't think you can see the brand name so hopefully no one comments on them. I hate being so conscious of what brand I'm wearing. I feel so materalistic. I only have 4 weeks left at Nike. It makes me kinda sad cuz I'm really going to miss it and the people I work with. I really like my job. It has worked out for me so greatly. The Lord has really taken care of me :) I hope I have made an impact for Jesus on the lives around me.

I got some of my books from Amazon that i have to read for my trip. I have to read 3 books and write 3 papers by Friday and then I have to bring 7 others with me. All of them are dealing with Jesus, the poor and his ministry to the poor. I think I have started to believe less in christianity and believe more in Jesus. If we take a clear candid picture of his life through the Gospels I have wondered if Jesus, the man, would even be in my church. I'm starting to wonder. I hope people can tell, not what I'm following, but who...

Thanksgiving, Soccer and Catholics

Thanksgiving:

I don't think I announced to bloggerland that Thanksgiving is at my house this year. Yep, that is right. My family and friends are coming here and I'm cooking. I have learned a lot in the last week about how to cook a thanksgiving dinner. Its been an open training room discussion many times and today's topic was "how many people cook the stuffing in the turkey?" I haven't decided what I'm going to do, so I bought a box of stuffing that can be cooked in the oven, on the stove top or in the turkey. Would anyone like to weigh in on this poll? I also learned there are a billion ways to cook a turkey. I'm not experienced enough to have my own special touch so I'm just going to roast it like my mom does. Its always delicous when she does it so we will see if I can pull it off too. So that covers stuffing, turkey... gotta do potatoes, rolls, my mom is making greenbean cassarole and my grandma is making pumpkin pie. I think that is it...oh yeah and Lefse. (Its kinda like a norweigen style tortilla) There will be 8-12 people over at my place and a 19lb turkey. I'm excited to see how this all goes. Wish me luck.

Soccer:

My end of the year banquet is tomorrow for my soccer team. We are having it in Sherwood and each of the girls gets a certificate, embroidered scarf and a speech from the coaches. Heidi and I were practicing what to say for each girl. I hope we can come up with enough unique things to say about each one so they all feel special. You can only say "and they were a hard worker..." so many times :)

Catholics:

In a conversation with Lacey about Catholics she says, "They are like big into Mary, like you talk to her when Jesus is busy."

Jesus, Name Above All Names

Is it possible to understand the impact and reality of the above statement? I wish I could.

Why now?

Well i guess i'll starting blogging again today. I don't know how many "agains" this is, but its exactly 3 months since my last blog so why not start now. I want to maybe try and keep a blog while I'm in india cuz it would be a good way to share my experiences during my time there. I don't know if that will be possible or if it will be a priority to keep posting, but I can always try. I just realized that in exactly 3 months from today I will be leaving for India; strange.... It doesn't even feel real or like I'm actually going, but I am and I know I can't imagine what it will be like. I do have to read 3 books and write 3 papers by December 1. I'm currently reading The Jesus I Never Knew by Phillip Yancey. I think it is really good and offers a great perspective on Jesus' life and the poor. It faces the fact that Jesus was in the company of the poor and the outcasts, yet in today's christianity those are the people groups most unlikely to step a foot into church. It touches on the fact that the Jesus represented in Christianity today may not be the Jesus we read about in the bible. I would recommend it.

Last time I wrote I had just started coaching the sherwood soccer team and now our last game is this Saturday. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. We have our end of the year party next Tuesday in Sherwood and then I'll be done. Its been a really fun experience and I hope I was able to make a positive impact on their impressible lives. I mean ate age 11 they are at my house eating spaghetti and decorating sugar cookies and at age 15 they will be getting drunk and having sex with boys. Oh Lord help them.

Well i guess that is it for my blogging debut, once again. Over and out.

By the end of August

Life has been cruising along. I will be living in a new place the end of August. Hopefully in an apartment with my sis in SW portland. We found an awesome deal so hopefully this week we will know if it is ours. I have to honestly say that I never saw myself being in the area come Sept. I was willing to go anywhere for the Lord, but I wouldn't have thought i would need to be willing to stay. I have to tell you though the Holy Spirit has been doing some major interrupting. I'm not sure if I have the faith or courage to obey, but I'm not sure I have an alternative. I can be such a fool. The end of August is also my soccer team's first game. We are playing in a tournament in Tigard. It should be fun and it will bring back the memories of the good ol' soccer days. Coaching is fun and one of the girls and her family go to City Bible, so I got to pray with them on Sunday for the team. It was encouraging. I think it will be weird to get off the "school year" schedule." I feel like Fall is starting a new year and season like when I was in school, but my life really isn't on that timeline anymore. A new year was marked by the start of the school year, but now it can be a fiscal year or a calendar year. Up until now the school year was how I measured my years. Its just another daunting fact of the real world. The best of my year, still could come. In 2006 I graduated and ........to be continued...

I just saw...

Robin Williams at Fred Meyer in Newberg. Yep, Robin Williams, yes Fred Meyer and yeah in Newberg. Random...

you can call me coach

My girls decided they want to call me "coach." I told them that they didn't have to, but they wanted to. It was so fun tonight. I made it to the last half of their practice so I met them, their parents and got to play a little with them. It will be so fun to coach soccer. They are 11, going into the 6th grade. I think its like the best age ever. Young enough to automatically love you and old enough to be receptive and follow directions. It should be so fun. I get to hang out with them and help teach them soccer. It will be great. I'm still a little nervous about the whole parents thing. Keeping the parents happy is half that battle, but so far so good. Thursday will be my first full practice on my own with them. 1hr and half with them and boy do they need to get in shape. I do too though, so I'll probably run with them but its still conditioning. I'm so excited to teach them little basic things that will make a huge difference and help them out alot. It will be exciting to watch them learn. The girls there were actually pretty good, i was impressed. They were better than I expected. I praise the Lord for this opportunity cause i think its a wonderful blessing to be a part of these girls lives and get to know their families. Their season will go into November so I get to spend a lot of time with them. God just opened this door and I ran through so you can pray I will be open to opportunities to sow and invest in these girls and their families. I'm so thankful to be able to this. So regardless of Nike I think I should just plan on being here through dec. This coaching position is volunteer, so i will probably have to find another job, but I'm be coaching through Nov. Cool. :) glory to God.

So I thought

I was done blogging. I hadn't written anything in forever and figured it wasn't that big of a deal so I almost decided not to blog anymore. But, EXTRA, EXTRA...today at work this guy came in with a torn ACL and he is having surgery next week. We totally hit if off and so tonight we went out!!! CRAZY??? I know, like "out" on a date, i know wipe that surprised look off your face. How romantic, he's from italy, he's on crutches, but oh well. So anyways there is hope out there for anyone who is reading this cuz he's out there. Well acutally i wouldn't know cuz most of that is not true. Sorry if i got ya. Only in my dreams. But today was great because I did meet a guy from italy, a professional kiteboarder and yes, he did tear his ACL and I really do hope to watch his surgery. However, he is happily married and his wife works for Nike and they are both italian so they are super cool and sweet. He said once he's better ( like in 9 months), he will teach me and my boss how to kiteboard. Sweet huh? Way better than a date! Hopefully I still have that connection, his friend is the #1 kiteboarder in the world. So i have to get him better so I can go. I also might coach a U12 girls select team in sherwood. I'll find out soon about that. I have been really wanting to get involved in the community since I'm out of school and actually have time for a life. I hope it works out. At that age its less about soccer and more about preteen management and keeping the parents happy. :) oh yeah and if you didn't know it looks like i'll be in the area a little longer.

I passed!

I found out today I passed my certification exam. All 3 sections...phew! what a relief. My whole undergraduate career (5yrs, thats a long time) was leading up to this test and I'm happy to report it has paid off. I guess this makes me a professional in the real world. Karli Saathoff, ATC strange...This could very well be the start of the rest of my life, it could go anywhere from here.

"Everybody ends up somewhere, very few end up somewhere on purpose" Pastor Frank

WOGS (Word of God Speak): "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." Jer 10:23 "If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24 "In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

How come i didn't know?

Thanks to some ridiculous traffic and a wrong turn i went from going to Old Navy on Cedar Hills, to the Streets of Tanusborne instead. It was the best decision of my week. This outdoor mall is amazing. I was by myself after work so i just took my time and bought stuff at GAP,AE and Hollister. Its like bridgeport plus REI and those other stores. There is also a Bella Espresso there with gelato. The onwer/artist of it was my co-leader during my trip to the philippines. He has a Bella at Cannon Beach and was in the process of opening this one when we got back from the philippines. I dropped in to see if he was there, but he wasn't so i had some french vanilla gelato. It was the best french vanilla ice cream i have EVER had. It was the cherry on top of a good day and the start of the weekend. I had no idead this mall was even there. I hadn't really heard of it. Thanks to stephs helpful geography lesson of beaverton i found my way there.

I'm in the midst of a wardrobe change. I have to wear business causal at work, so bascially no jeans, but my boss does wear flipflops. Anyways, the business causal department of my wardrobe is lacking hence the shopping spree today. I couldn't put together 5 different outfits, but i bought a bunch more shirts today that i can wear to work and one new pair of pants. When it warms up a bit more i will wear capris too, but the real dilema is shoes. I dont' like shoe shopping and honestly most people just wear nikes anyways whether they match or not. I could wear flipflops, but it feels unprofessional. Its pretty laid back at work so it probably doesn't matter, but it feels weird. Other then normal shoes i only have one pair of brown shoes and one pair of black both from the dark ages so i need to get up to speed in that department, but shoes are so expensive. Eh....

Well I've been spending too much money lately so shoes may just have to wait. Tomorrow is annie's wedding so that should be fun and then sunday i'm headed home for father's day. if you could pray for courage and faith that would be good cuz at nike i have my answer to " so what do you want to do with your degree or after nike" down pat and honestly it's not really the truth. i beat around the bush and make it sound good. i'm frustrated with myself cuz i want to say, " well i'm not sure i will use my degree right away. i'm interested in going to india to serve the sick, dying and poor and then maybe i will go to seminary next fall." why can't i just say that!!! I'm such a doubting thomas; i'm my own worst enemy, but its not about me anyway. sunday i'm going to my moms church and that question is going to come from just about every person i talk to, i need help. have a good weekend folks.

God-thought: How are you serving?
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 10:45

Nike 201

employee store, kid sizes. thats all i have to say about that.

2 pairs of shorts

3 dri-fit shirts

1 soccer jacket

Nike 101

Nike is fun. Its only been one day, but this is what I have discovered. I have a cubicle. Its empty now, but it makes me feel somewhat important with my own space, computer and phone number. I need to bring a few things in, but I don't know how much I will actually be there. I do have some projects to work on, so it will come in handy. I'm basically working on salary. I get paid hourly, but my boss told me today that I will always get 40 hrs a week and it doesn't matter too much when i come in or leave. As long as I get my work done and I know there will be days when I'm super busy and stay late or come early, but no work equals free/play time around campus. I hope to fit in workouts, spin cycle class, rock climbing, pilates, a massage, soccer, etc. I saw Kobe Byrant today. He was doing a photo shoot in the room next to me while I was packing up the old training room to move downstairs. My boss flew down to Laguna Beach this last weekend to have dinner with her finacee and Michael Jordan. Her finacee works for brand Jordan and I heard someone teasing her that he is the CEO of brand Jordan. Isn't this all crazy? I mean I knew someone had to work for all these famous people, but I never thought I would meet them. Oh and the best of all my boss knows the Lord. Super Cool. I talked to her briefly about how I became a christian and she told me she had gone to Beaverton Foursquare, but it was gettting too big so they have been trying some other churches. Her fiancee was a youth pastor for awhile and taught sunday school. It was super encouraging to hear. She really has a heart for missions and loves to travel. Its pretty neat.

Its like when I went to Washington D.C. and realized there were these people that loved God that were serving Him in the government and in politics etc. It just opened my eyes to see God and how small my prayers were and what the influence of God truly was. It was in places I never really believed or thought of cuz it was outside of "my small world". I'm realizing the same thing at Nike. I have never prayed for famous people before or the people that interact with them etc. For some odd reason if i did think about it I never believed in my prayers. But now i'm seeing this whole new world that God is obviously a part of and is using christians to influence people, companies, and countries. Its pretty humbling and awesome to be aware of God in a whole new way. He is so huge and nothing is out of His reach. Its pretty cool to think about.

I have a new...

piercing ( you'll just have to wait and see), job (Nike starts tomorrow), roommate (Pilar is fun), idea for next year (all i will say is that it is overseas), desire to go shopping ( i need to do business causal), priority to get groceries (pb toast was the highlight of my day), array of things I want to study in God's word (insecurity, hearing his voice, assumptions, holiness, the poor and suffering) and weakness for ice cream (sometimes its all i think about).

Last day

Today was my last day working at the Alzheimer's facility. It was a normal day, but I'm kinda sad to be leaving not just the people i work with, but the people that live there. They are so precious even though i got punched today multiple times by this one guy. But I love it cuz 4 secs later, if they calm down they are calling you dear and sweetie again. Go figure. I woud like to try and make an effort to go see some of them again. Lets be honest not very many of them have family or vistors. Its a strange feeling knowing you have been part of someones life although they will never know it. Its weird to pray and picture meeting these people some day in heaven, young, happy and healthy. I can't even imagine what that will feel like. I learned a lot about life from watching it slip away. Dying is a strange thing, but we all have to do it. Sorry, that kinda sounds morbid, I'm not trying to be depressing.

On to more fun stuff. Tonight I'm taking Hannah out to Todai for her b-day. Its an all-you-can eat sushi and seafood buffet in Pioneer Place. Its really fun and really really good. I went there last year for my birthday cuz its free on your b-day. So if you would rather have free sushi on your birthday rather than a free burger, go to Todai. It is also the start of the Rose festival in p-town. Tonight is the the Starlight Parade through downtown. We may, by default, get stuck in downtown and watch the parade, but i thought it would be fun if its not raining. I'm totally pysched for a kick back fun night out on the town.

what do you want to know?

A week recap:

Highlights

1. Finally ate at the cheesecake factory. It was amazing. I had the snickers bar cheesecake, yum!
2. Church Saturday night was amazing. One of the best sermons I have heard in awhile. Laura already gave kudos, but PF talked about God-thoughts.
3. Acted on a God-thought and had the most incredible conversation with my mom about Jesus. She is totally seeking Him. I was floored. My mom's salvation is near. It is one of the impossibilities I'm praying for this summer.
4. Spent some good time with my sis for the weekend.

Lowlights

1. My sister and I went to get pics done at sears for my mom's bday and father's day. It was so stressful and took forever. The people working there were, well untrained, unprofessional and never got our pics right. We will see how they turn out.
2. Lacey moved out. Pilar moved in (thats not a lowlight), but i couldn't sleep last night cuz it felt so strange to have a different person in my room.
3. My fingerpolish is chipping and i don't have fingernail polish remover. Its annoying.
4. There is something going on in the spirit realm. The last 4 close friends I have talked to are struggling, dry, low, or have just been feeling kinda numb lately. This isn't technically a bad thing, because there is always a battle before a victory, but its still hard and got some people down. Something is going on so we need to be interceeding and delcaring God's grace, sovereignty and power over whatever it is so we will know how to pray and encourage one another.

My summer verse: "For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment." Luke 1:37 (Amplified bible)

Moving on out

Well my room is about half empty. It makes me sad, but Lacey has most of her stuff packed up. Even her bed is gone because she is house sitting the rest of the week and then going home Sunday. It makes me feel like i should be moving too, but i still have 3 months. My new roommate will be moving in some time next week i think. She will be a lot of fun. She is going to work as a bartender this summer. I have known her since my freshman year and she was the only other senior athletic training student although she is not graduating until dec. We are living very different lifestyles right now, but we both need more of Jesus so I'm sure we will get along. I have no idea what this summer will be like, but I have a feeling it is going to be an adventure.

I still haven't found what i'm looking for

I should not be blogging. I need to be studying, but there was something in me that just took control and now look; here i am blogging. I have to keep it short and sweet. Casey's wedding festivities were amazingly fun and amazingly tiring. It was like one big party that lastest 4 days. Lots of food, no sleep and lots of people. Lacey is home! I'm so thrilled. I have the best roommate ever. I ordered a custom bag from timbuk2 and I should get it this week. I just ate a tasty BBQ hamburger with an awesome dinner and tomorrow is already my "friday". Now I must hit the books.

Wedding Bells

Well tonight is the big kick-off. In case you are unaware Casey, my best friend from home, is getting married this week. She is marrying her HS boyfriend Scott who I have known since we were 14. Strange isn't it? So it turns out people claim I'm responsible for this wedding because Casey moved to Ridgefield her sophomore year in HS and I introduced to her my friend Scott. The rest is history. But its kinda weird that I knew them when they were a "high school" couple and now they are tying the knot. So what does all this mean? Well...

Tonight = the bachelorette party
Thursday = the rehearseal dinner
Friday = wedding
Sat = Brunch with the wedding party

For me it means: a haircut, highlights, pedciure, manicure, a pink dress, pink shoes, seeing old HS friends and yes there is a boy I'm supposed to "meet". Casey and Scott are trying to set me up at their wedding. Ridiculous, but I agreed to it. His name is Mark and he went to college with Scott. They tried to set us up before, but we were too busy with school. He is coming to the wedding so I guess I'll meet him there. Expect absolutely nothing to come of this..unless i catch the bouquet. HA! I feel like i might regret even mentioning this on here. So if you think about it just pray for the rest of my week with my family and old friends. It should be fun.

**Be the Christian you say you are** ** What you believe is what you do, not what you say**

When its 95

This is where I want to be

thanks!

I just wanted all my friends to know that you are incredible and i had the best 23rd birthday ever. It was lots of fun, so thanks for celebrating with me. And kudos to steph who swallowed half a piece of sushi, well done friend. I hopefully got rid of the shopping bug that I caught because I have definetly done my share of supporting our economy the last two days. I came away with 2 new jackets, 3 shirts, a new purse/bag, a wedding present and a graduation present. I still might look for a watch, but its kinda nice not to be tied down by time. Now I need to catch the cleaning/organizing bug cuz my room needs help.

its been a long time

Wow, the last time i was here was april 25. yikes that was forever ago. well i don't even know what to say, graduation has come and gone. no real goodbyes or see ya later, it just kinda ended. I'm fairly confident that college friends will always be college friends. If i think about it too much then i get sad and then i might cry so....anyways. Arizona was amazing. A 5 day backpacking/camping trip into Havasu Canyon was beautiful. The waterfalls were incredible and the adventures were memorable. Once i figure out how to post pics on this thing i will. Maybe i can figure it out. It was definetly relaxing and beautiful.

June 11 is the day. I finally registered for my national certification exam after procrasinating for about 9 months. Its so scary and i'm so nervous cuz this is the "test" of all tests. This is the whole reason i went to college the last 5 years, to become a certified athletic trainer. I have to study all my textbooks from the last 4 years of college and try to remember it for an all day 3 part exam in Cheney, WA. I'm feeling like thats about a 5-6 hour drive from here in eastern washington. Yikes i'm nervous. 4 weeks to study my brains out. Now that it is summer all my friends want to play, ironically i'm the one who has to study.

My last tuesday at fox

Pretty normal day. I'm trying to remember all the things i wanted to get done this week before school was offically out. I feel like there are a million little tasks to keep me busy, but i'll probably end up forgetting to do half of them. We ended our Sex BS ( sex bible study ;) ) tonight with a fun potluck. I can't believe we started it at the beginning of the year. It went by so fast. What a journey of 7 months. Honestly everyone should do it.

I'm still replaying the phone conversation with my now "boss" at Nike, trying to convince myself the phone conversation was not a dream and I am working at Nike. Its weird that this is all happening to me. I'm trying to plan so after i quit my current job but before i start at Nike my sis and i can road trip somewhere fun. I don't know if it will happen, but it would be really cool.

Well i don't have much else to do. So if todays over then there are only 4 days left. I better make a to-do list.

Guess what?

Already a GREAT day = a marionberry scone and carmel latte at coffee cottage, walk with Beth K and a job at Nike! Can it get any better?

quickly

Its totally hitting me. Its crunch time in a good way and i'm blessed that i don't have to really worry about much besides graduation and vacation. Not classes, finals, or moving out. Kudos to y'all who are doing it all. The beach was beautiful and fun tonight. This is my last week at Fox, whoa! Lots to do tomorrow, Nike might call and only 6 days left.

7 days!

I got my cap and gown today!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited i just can't tell you. And now the countdown begins. Are you ready?

god heard me!!!!!!!!

I'm so totally excited right now. God is awesome, I love Jesus!!! Ok so last night coming home from church I started talking about this whole Nike thing with God. I still hadn't heard back and it has been almost a week since they told me I would know, so I figured i didn't get the job. Despite that I told God that I just wanted to know either way. If I didn't get it, I wanted them to miraculously decide to call me and tell me instead of just leaving me hanging and if for some reason they hadn't hired someone yet I wanted to know that too. I asked Him to close this door for sure or show me it was still open. I didn't want to be stuck not knowing either way.

THEN...

This evening I got a message from them saying that the interview process had been delayed and that they still had one more interview, but they would decide on Monday. She wanted to know if i was still interested in the job and told me that she enjoyed meeting with me a couple weeks ago. There is still hope! God hasn't closed that door. I'm excited about it again cuz its still possible. So reassuring to know its in God's hands and not mine. I can't take the credit for this one. All for his glory...

Ways to contact B.F. #50

Calling one of the 3 phones in W. house. Dang, who actually uses that phone to talk on? When i find you i'm going to hug you.

I had to

I had to buy the Yellowcard cd because it was the number 1 cd i heard all week when I was in MS and now it takes me to my happy place. Music is cool like that. Memories. Well whats new friends? Easter weekend was fun. I worked, dyed Easter eggs and had an awesome dinner with the 'rents Sun. evening. Graduation is so close. If i was normal then this would be the last week of classes. I do have a presentation on Thurs which is like my last "assignment" i guess that gives me something to look forward to being done with. I feel like it is anti-climatic, but I might cry when I walk across the stage and see my grandma. I'm the first of her grandkids to graduate from college (but the second youngest in front of my sis) and she has been asking me about it for the last four years every time i see her. If she is crying I for sure will be. I get teary eyed thinking about it, yikes ;). I found an old journal that I started when i was at Linfield, but knew i was coming to Fox. It basically was that spring, summer and 4 years ago when i started Fox, its crazy. I had no idea, what at journey. Well soon I shall be rendevousing (is that a word?) with bitty cent, if i can ever get a hold of her. Where are you?

Ways to contact B.F. #36 blog about her

its the weekend, but not

So its so strange cuz its my weekend, but nobody elses. And even though tomorrow would be optimal hang out time everyone is leaving for the actual Easter weekend cuz its also a 3 day weekend. Ok, that might have been confusing. I'm trying to be productive, but i'm just so unmotivated. Plenty of things i should do nothing i really want to do.

ps MS spring serve pics are on facebook, just a few

the one

well just the one about spring break. Once we landed in MS we had to drive about 3 hours to Pass Christain and we arrived pretty late in the dark and yet you could see there wasn't much there. We attempted to find where we would be staying, but with no luck we pulled into a church parking lot and slept in the car. Seriously my whole serve trip in 3 vans with our stuff for the night. sweet! welcome to MS. Most of us were so tired from not sleeping the night before cuz we were up at 3am Portland time, but yet i still couldn't sleep much cuz the sleep i had gotten was sitting up; from the plane to the car. But we survived, slept a few hours til daylight and then found breakfast. Meals for the week were in this big tent called God's Katrina Kitchen. Cuz it was spring break they fed mostly all volunteers, but this tent has been providing free meals bascially to whoever needs it. Its pretty cool. Our sleeping arrangements ended up being slightly better than the vans for the rest of the week. We slept in the abandoned cleaned out Pass christian library. There was just one big room with mattresses (PTL) on the floor. This was the main headquarters for Campus Crusade.
Every morning the group leaders would get work requests that had been filled out by the community and our team would go do whatever they needed. Our team was split up most of the time doing different projects. We did some yard clean-up, gutted a house ( basically just involved a sledge hammer and crowbar) and put on a new roof for a family. The roof project was our biggest project. A car full of girls showed up at this guys house, knocked on his door with hammers and a pitchfork in hand and tell him we are here to give him a new roof. I can't imagine what he was thinking at the time because i think it was obvious we had no idea what to do. But heck we climbed up on the roof and started ripping of shingles. That is what we are supposed to do right? Well our team completed it from start to finish with the help of a campus crusader that acutally knew how to put on a new roof. It took us 3 days and it was great to bless this older couple George and Margaret, well not that old. The entire inside of their house was destroyed, they were starting to rebuild from the wood framework and George was the one doing it, so being able to give them a new roof for free was a big deal. About 10 people from our team did the roof while the other five took the 3 days to gut a house that had not been touched since Katrina, 7 months ago. All i have to say is, a really really really stinky fridge, everything was garbage from all the stuff to all the walls and the lady wasn't coming back. The house wasn't bulldozed because it was being donated to the historical society. Kudos to my fellow team members because they cleaned out that house.
Being there was strange cuz the city was destoryed and there was not 1 normal looking building in the entire city. The only things that showed life were all the fema trailers. We drove threw the worst hit parts of the city right on the peninsula and all that was left of those homes were the concrete stilts they were on. Some sites only had staircases that were left. No damaged house, no evidence of a house just a dozen stilts where the house used to be. crazy. i have pics but i definetly left my camera in MS in the rental van. hopefully its in the mail. it will take decades to rebuild the city and thats if progress isn't slowed by other hurricanes this summer. one of the locals was saying he has lived through 18 hurricane warnings. Sometimes you stay, sometimes you go, nobody was expecting the magnitude of katrina. One of the houses we gutted flooded to the cieling of the 2nd story and it wasn't even on the waterfront. A 30ft wave surge pushed through the city by 180 mph winds, can't really imagine the size of this storm. All you could see was that nothing was left.
Some of our team, including me didn't want to leave cuz the people their need so much help. You could just pick one family and there would be enough to do for years. Now imagine thousands of families. It was hard to come back and jump right back into school. Thats pretty much all that i can tell you. I mean there are tons of tidbits here and there but thats the big stuff. I know what i did and experienced but i don't know what it all means yet. I'm glad i went. Met some cool people on my team and came away with some new friends.
I'm not going to blog about it cuz this is already tooooooo long, but if you want to know about a highlight of the trip for me not included on this blog, ask me about the Waffle House, brittney or the 7 travelers. Same story, different reminders. :)

wait for it

I have been feeling the pressure to write about my spring break in MS doing hurricane relief, but i'm just not there yet. I haven't processed everything that happened and what it was like being there. It was intense and the city was destroyed. I know God is teaching me a lot and I will have more to say later, but i wanted you to know it was good and i'm home safely. There is so much I could talk about and as I figure out what it all means to me and to the Lord I'll let you know. For now life as started up full steam ahead with my senior thesis due this week, graduation stuff and the last school "to-do list" i will have to write for awhile. whoa here comes life...

Dead man walking

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

I MUST DIE..."I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Gal 2:20
I MUST GIVE UP..."Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39

I MUST BREAK..."The sacrfices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God you will

not despise." Psalm 51:17

I AM THE SACRIFICE.."No, I insist on paying the full price...I will not sacrifice a burnt offering that costs
me nothing." 1 Ch 21:24

broken

Satan is terrified by humility. hmmmmmm.

Bombs are dropping while you're shopping!!!!

Portland was fun. Lacey and I went to hang out for the day on Sunday. I bought some Reefs for half price at Nordstroms rack and also tried on the bridesmaid dress I will be wearing for my best friends wedding in May. It is definetly pink. Its cute sure I guess, but its still a dress and its still pink. I need to go tanning.

There was also the largest peace aka anti war, anti-bush protest I have seen in portland. It totally closed down the streets. It just kept going and there were tons of people marching. There were people chanting and yelling and holding their signs. One woman had a a megaphone and was yelling the above statement. There were people dressed up as the prisoners at Guatanamo Bay, orange jump suits with black covering over their head, who were stopped in the middle of the street. They were hand cuffed and some were standing and some were kneeled. There were like 6 of them I think and the word "Why?" was written on them. It was a powerful statement. Anyways, i felt bad for the poor drivers cuz they just had to wait and we are were in the middle of downtown by pioneer courthouse square so there were lots of cars.

Just so you know my opinion:

Is President Bush a christian: sure
Are christians perfect: no
Has he done minimal good for our country: yes
Is he a bad president: absolutely
Do I pray for Him like the bible says to pray for our leaders: yes
Am I against the war in Iraq: absolutely
Would I go to jail for my opinion: I don't know. Would you?

Christians will have to take a stand. Its been the prophesy of our times and generation.
Would you face persuction for the Word of God? I was wondering if you were going to China if you would smuggle in bibles at the risk of jail and who knows what? When i think about if i would do it, my world gets rocked cuz i would intially justify saying no. However the more I have been thinking about the reason I would say no, I realize that my faith is pointless and worthless and for lack of a better word s---, if I would say no. Think about it cuz I want to know if our generation is ready to say something.

Its been a long day

Work today was interesting. We were short staffed again and usually that makes the time go by fast cuz we are so insanely busy, but it was a slow long and busy day. A lady passed away this morning and out of respect i won't post the story online, but its a funny, not really funny, morid kinda if you think about it too much story. Yeah know what i mean? Anyways encounters with our empty earthen vessels can just be awkard and make for strange stories. I was sad though, wheres her soul? It makes me rethink what is important and if we don't live for God than we really don't live for much.

Then from work i went to observe in the ER. It was interesting and made me remember why I wanted to be a doctor. Its so fun and I truly do love medicine. It would be awesome to do it, but unfortunately not quite as awesome as ministry. But I can't define thats its fun and probably is in me somewhere.

And soon the most important part of my day after laundry and making my lunch for tomorrow is my weekly intercessory prayer meeting. Its funny cuz just within the last year I have known and felt the call to prayer more and intercede. It was one for the first gifts that was drawn out of me after I got saved and maybe thats natural, but my prayer life although i hate to admit it was way more spirit led than it is now. I was also at linfield and in the real world so i had no choice but to rely on the power of prayer. Here i think i have gotten used to praying only if i wanted to not because i have absolutely have to. All that said i have gotten to separate words, one from my youth pastor that I am called to be an intercessor. Its an interesting journey cuz i would have jumped and believed that word a lot easier in the beginning but now i'm like ok, hmmmmm, ok. anyways, after prayer is bed and 7 hrs later a new day. Praise the Lord.

I love church.

My sis is home for her spring break and I convinced her to come over and spend the night Monday. It was great sister time at the Olive Garden, Old Navy and squished on my bed to watch Mean Girls on my computer. I had a gift card for Old Navy so I told my sis I would let her pick out one new outfit. There was a small bit of compromise, but to her liking i ended up buying these "cute" jeans that look like I wore them on serve day. I objected to buying jeans with paint all over them, but stuck to my deal for her sake. I picked out a new jacket and we agreed on a shirt. So anyways who knows when I'll bust it out, but believe me you'll know when its all new clothes. It will be pretty obvious, just look for the jean with paint splatter on my butt. :)

Tonight was the first time I could go to Wed. night church all semester cuz bible study got switched to Wed. Now that it got switched back to Tues I can go to Gen Church again. I was totally in my happy place and I realized how much I missed Wed church. So amazing. Tonight Pastor Nicole from Austrailia spoke about taking a stand. It was good. The parts that grabbed my heart were, "What are your convictions and what are your preferences?" and "I can hear your words, but if I test you, who are you?" Seriously awesome truth to consider and seek the Lord for. Lots to talk to God about.

I had a phone interview with Nike, but it was pretty generic so I can't tell you how it went. I might find out something in the next week or so. San Diego might be a primary option for next year. Still undecided if that is the next step, but my heart is asking the Lord for the answer. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

food for thought: Do we rely on His word? If not, what do we rely on and why?

History

It’s been a bad day
You’ve been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it’s hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can’t stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let’s take a walk into today
And don’t let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

By Matthew West

This song was on my heart for our generation while I was in D.C.

Oh boy.

I am going to be so sore tomorrow. Today was such a fun day snowboarding. I had so much fun and I'm not making that up. It was better than I expected because usually by lunch time I am wet cold and have a concussion, but today was really fun. Have told you how fun it was? I'm really glad I went. I feel bad that LD got sick though cuz we didn't get to go back out, but the conditons got a little intense after lunch anyway. I had so much fun I might actually have to consider going again. Besides, there are some really cool people that didn't get to come this time that will have to come next time. I'm not sure if I will be able to move tomorrow cuz I can alreay feel the lactic acid pooling in my muscles. :) Anyways, heres to the best week yet.

It was totally an accident

So i was filling out my Nike Internship application, but I wasn't planning on submitting it quite yet. I filled out the info, attached my resume but I wanted to think about it more and also look over my resume again. At the last possible page before clicking submit, I clicked save and exit so that I could go back and think about this amazing opportunity before actually applying. But when I checked my email the next day I got an email from Nike HR saying thanks for submitting your application and we will respond after we have reviewed your qualifications blah, blah, blah,. WHAT?!?! I read the email like 5 times and I'm pretty sure I accidently applied for the job. Its not really a bad thing, but I didn't put that much thought into it or pray about it and I hadn't mentally prepared myself for what the outcome could be either way. I was pretty sure I wanted to apply, but now I already did and I didn't do it on purpose. It has kinda caught me off guard. I wasn't totally sure I wanted this internship, but oh well its too late. What does all this mean? ;)

I don't like the taste of envelopes when you have to lick them, but last night I accidently discovered that if you are sucking on a mint while you are licking the envelope, the enevelope tastes minty. This could be a fool proof plan to avoid the awful envelope taste in the future. I always thought they should come up with flavored enevelopes. The same thing smelly markers do for your nose, flavored envelopes could do for your mouth.

btw does anyone remember Squeeze-its?? Do those exsist anymore? They were so cool when I was kid. "SQUEEEEZZZE the fun out of them" Can you imagine how they came up with that name? All these rich people in a board room trying to name this amazing juice product and someone says, "Well you squeeze it." Another person says, "Thats it! We will call it a Squeeze-it!" Wow that makes me laugh out loud. I wonder if it was the same people that invented "push-ups". Those were such a rare treat from the Schwan Ice cream truck, but seriously a "Squeeze-it" and a "Push-up". You gotta love free market, capitalist America. Any idea could be the next big thing. Cool, lets thing of something.

Nike

I have decided to apply for an Athletic Training Internship at Nike. I doubt that I will get it cuz its so outrageous and I bet lots of people will apply, but its an opportunity that would fit into my summer plans. It would be a full time paid internship from June-Aug. I don't really have a reason not to apply so I guess I might as well try. I'm not really expecting anything out of it, but I have to admit I wouldn't turn it down if I got it. Its just really random and I'm not sure what will come of it. hmmmm....

The moral of the story

Well Pride and Prejudice won the battle and there were at least 3 guys that were good sports and watched the whole thing. I, on the other hand kept falling asleep and wasn't really that interested so I just packed. It may be sacreligious, but I really have no interest in watching Pride and Prejudice. I know its supposed to be a classic, but I just don't think i could watch it. I would really really really really have to be in the "mood" to watch it and I doubt that will ever happen. God didn't create me with the urge to watch movies like that.

The last days in D.C were spent at the Holocaust Museum, Georgetown and Arlington Cementary. I was in awe at all three. The Holocaust Museum was really well done and took you through from the Nazis rise to power past liberation and where the Jew went after the war. It demonstrated the whole process of what happened prior to the death camps and how the Holocaust became what it did. It was honestly a good history lesson. At Georgetown I was enlightened about the amount of money people spend for "good" and/or namebrand clothes. Georgetown is this hip trendy downtown area with lots of shopping, food etc. It was amazing to me that outside of my little GFU bubble its normal to spend $175 on jeans, $60 on a hoodie and $80 on a skirt. I don't mean normal for just people in D.C., but normal for some of the people I was with. Not everybody though cuz one of the guys with us that has been homeschooled described Georgetown as being kinda like shock treatment. At Arlington I learned that freedom is not free.

I'm home now and still jet-lagged, but besides that I have a fresh burden and passion for prayer and evangelism. Two powerful neccesities of our christian walk and I was challenged by both. I want to continue to seek and grow in both areas. In regards to His will and plan for the next step all I know is that He said I have asked too small.

pride and prejudice vs. narnia

There is a current debate about what movie to watch. Asim wants to watch Narnia because he is like the only one who hasn't seen it and Lisa wants to watch pride and prejudice. The girls for the most part are on Lisa's side and pretty much nobody is on Asim's side. I bet they will just keep talking about it and then we won't end up watching either one cuz it will be late. We will see. I might just get in the shower. We are going home tomorrow I can't believe we have been gone a whole week. It will be good to be home though. I will be home for 2 wks and then leave for MS for a week. Time is going by so fast. Less then 2 months until graduation. I can't believe it.

Lord teach us to pray...

Highlight of the day: Being inside the Supreme Courtroom during the Anna Nicole Smith Trial. We got to go in for 5 mins during the hearing. It was the real deal, the real Supreme Court, the real Supreme Court Justices, real lawyers getting grilled by the Justices, real Anna Nicole Smith, but I didn't see her. It was incredible to think we were actually there. It was pretty awesome.

Today I saw: The Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, WW2 Memorial, Vietnam War Memorial, Korean War Memorial (the bus left me behind at that one), the White House, the Pentagon, the National Catherdral,the place MLK Jr stood when he gave his "I have a dream" speech, the Washington Monument and the reflection pool. All of this was at night, so it was pretty moving. There is so much history, so many stories and purpose here, its pretty incredible. The places where everything was built, where it faces, what shape it makes in the city etc, all was done intentionally when it was built. Pretty unreal.

Still to come: We will get to sit in when the House/Senate is in session and pray for them as they vote for certain matters. We will be meeting and hopefully praying for the 2 Senators of Oregon, Gordon Smith and Ron Wyden. I'm not sure exactly what else, but I'm certain it will be divine.

Everywhere we went we prayed for our nation and its people. We prayed for the President in front of the WH, we prayed for abortion to end at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, we intercessed for our parents generation at the Vietnam Memorial, we lifted up our generation as we drove through Georgetown, we prayed for the Supreme Court in the Courthouse. Its all kinda unreal. We also went on a prayer walk through one of the buildings where all the congressmen/women have their offices. The Pastor we are with knows SO many people and has some awesome stories of how God is touching our nation in D.C. I know on the west coast we don't pay attention much to politics or the government. I always have had a uninformed negative view of all our government and what was happening. There is so much going on I see why we should be informed and why we must pray. South Dakota made abortion illegal in their state expect if the mother's life is at risk. This is huge! This decision is going to be fought all the way to the Supreme Court. In our lifetime we will probably see the Supreme Court have to decide on the issue of abortion once again and give each State the right to decide. Pastor Ken said that abortion is a big issue here obviously and he thinks its possible that we will see the ruling of Roe vs. Wade overturned. This is all going on right now while we are on Earth as Christs ambassadors, just one reason friends why we must pray.

Museums, Museums, Museums!

Today it was calculated we walked for 8 hours straight. Well worth it to see the National Museum of Air and Space, The National Archives (I saw the original Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and US Constitution), National Museum of Natural History ( dinosaurs!), National Museum of American History, the Washington Monument, and the White House and Lincoln Memorial from afar. Lots to see around here. We still have the Holocaust Museum, Arlington National Cementary, the War memorials etc. But tomorrow we get down to business and are going to the National Prayer Center and meeting the pastor who is organizing our trip. I have no idea what to expect or what we will be doing. I'm really excited.

Take 2!

Well I made it here to Washington D.C. Second time is a charm. Everything went pretty well except descending into Baltimore was really bumpy. People were throwing up cuz of the turbulence, but I made it out ok and kept my lunch down. With the time change we were driving to our hotel at sunset, which was absolutely beautiful. The Washington Monument was on the horizon, it was so cool that I was seeing it in person. Later this week we are doing a night tour of the Wahington Momument and the Lincoln memorial. Its going to be awesome at sunset. I can't wait. Tomorrow is the Smithsonian and then the next three days are at the prayer center and doing some touring. God is up to something awesome and new. I know I will leave here totally new. New vision new passion, new burdens. He told me I was here because I needed something I didn't have yet. I have a lot to learn and a lot is ahead of me. Please pray the spirit of obedience and surrender that got me here would continue throughout the whole trip and I would guard my heart against pride. The Lord is starting something...

Just kidding!

Well apparently I was joking when I thought I was leaving this morning at 5am. However, I didn't realized the joke until I had already been dropped off at the airport and called my pastors looking for my group. It was then that I thought since nobody from my group was there I better check my itinerary again and WALA, departure date reads, "Sunday Feb. 26." There were really no words for that moment of revelation. Some profane words were going through my mind, but they were quickly in and out as I called Kristin to inform her she needed to turn around. So i went outside to wait for her to come back as I sat on the frozen metal bench cherishing this "snowglobe" moment.

How did this happen you ask? I have no clue. I wish I could blame it on the lack of sleep this past week, being sick, or on the naroctic in the cough syrup I took last night, but even though I'm tired, sick and out of it I thought I was leaving on the 24th for about a month now. Which is so strange because I checked my work schedule and I had requested the 26th- march 4 off for this trip. On my planner I starred both the 26th and the 4th, you would think I would pay attention and the intinerary i printed off with my flight info definately says Feb 26th. Despite ALL that, I still was convinced I was leaving this morning so I didn't go my prayer meeting last night, I cancelled a meeting I was supposed to have today, I told my professor I wouldn't be in class this morning, I packed last night and got all ready to leave, I left for the airport at 4:15am with two incredible friends, got dropped off and only THEN realized I was wrong. Unbelievable!

oh yeah and just to throw in another twist after I realized I wasn't leaving today, it occurred to me that i probably have to work tomorrw. And guess what? I do. Are you serious? How in the world did I think I was leaving this morning? Its kinda funny now, will be way more funny later and maybe a good sermon illustration one day.

PSYCHED!

I'm so excited for my trip I can't even tell you. Yes, its the same trip I was dreading a week ago, but thanks be to God that his power works IN us as much as it works around us. I have never felt such joy, peace and excitement about being completely out of control of a situation. Its totally grace!

Prayer requests for the me, group and trip:
1. We are expecting God to surprise us
2. He would turn darkness into light before us
3. I really desire meaningful divine friendship cuz I don't know anyone else who is going
4. Pray there would continue to be less of me and that God would reveal His will to me.

This trip is forcing me to rely on God's power.

I'm taking my computer with me cuz how can i survive life without email and internet? ;) I'll try to update when I can. Please be praying, we do not fight against flesh and blood.

Time to clean, pack, work the baseball game and get ready to leave for a week.

Holy Spirit, make us more full.

A six pack of what?

I love hiking. The satisfaction of gettting to your destination is worth the most physical demanding times of your life. Its always worth it. Think about what we put ourselves throught for the "view", "the river", "the top", "the bottom", or "the most beautiful place on earth." Its amazing to me which is why i think i like it so much. Its such a high and rush of aderaline accomplishing the goal of the hike. Such a joy of accomplishement. When we went to the beach last weekend its the trek up the hillside that made me feel most alive. Its was awesome. I love adventures. I miss hiking. I'm so glad the beach trip included such a wonderful view of the ocean from the hilltops.

I'm finished with work for over a week. I'm totally in the work groove/routine though so its weird to start up and then keep stopping. I will come back from DC work 2 weeks and then go to MS for a week. Then I won't work the end of April/ beginning of May because of graduation and a backpacking trip to Havasu Fall in AZ. Besides the normal summer outings and a trip on our waverunner with Britt, I would like to fit in a trip to Asia before September. I figure this is really my last "summer" unless I become a teacher I don't just get 3 months off anymore. However, the reality of financing my "real life" after college is becoming more and more difficult to ignore so i may end up of getting pulled back down to earth and my job.

Random goings of life:

I'm excited to see who ends up as the summer roommates. I have decided to stay in the yellow house and there are some awesome potential canidates. I hope everyone can do it. It would be so fun! Ohhh, i'm excited :)

I'm sick of being sick. I have gotten like 8hrs of sleep in the last 4 nights, stupid cough! My abs hurt I think I'm getting a six pack. I was finally desperate enough to make an appt with the Dr. to get some medicine before i leave. Mostly out of pity for my roommate and anyone i have to share a room with. I know I keep myself up so I feel horrible if other people can't sleep. I think its me and the couch tonight.

Potlucks are awesome. All i had to do was make chicken and stuffing and I got to eat spaghetti, green bean casserole, stuffed pizza, biscuits, salad, bread, olive dip and root beer. How cool is that??

If you could ask the President one question what would it be?

Next year I won't be doing missions through my church.
I'm taking my national certification exam June 11 in Seattle,WA.
I'm staying in newberg for the summer, but i already told you that.
My Senior Thesis topic : Alzheimers Disease

Its like looking for your glasses when they are on your head.

Or this one time I was looking for my cell phone, like in my pockets, on my desk, everywhere in my room and then after a solid minute I realized I was talking on it. Unreal! Who does that?? I felt like the doofus of the month, I probably was.

Valentines came and went. My roommate's boyfriend was really sweet and bought Fegles and I each a rose. It was so sweet. Its all decked out with baby's breath, a red bow and standing in a wine bottle. Its cute. It makes me feel special. I also got a little bouqet from my parents with a little travel pack of m&m's. But TODAY, was the best. At work I realized we had these little cute decorative thingy's that had candy hearts in them. You know, the candy hearts. All you have to do is start reading them and then handing them out to random people and its a ball. I can't believe I almost let valentines pass without eating and playing with them. It made my day at work. I found a "Marry Me" one, but I won't tell you who got that one. ;)

I feel lighter tonight too. Its as if I had an amazing conversation with a good friend last night where I just got to pour out my broken heart and then just leave it there. I'm a processer so most things have to go through my mind over and over again, but I get stuck if I cant just blurt it all out. I finally laid out the broken pieces, the first time I have really talked to someone about this test since God put it on my desk. It was such a relief, so humbling and the Holy Spirit is miraculous. If today I got a fresh start then I'm one for one. And instead of asking the Lord to take it away, I realized I was asking God for more. Its unreal how in Christ when we are nothing, we see how MUCH we are His. The most life changing daily prayers of this season have been, " Lord, make me less," and "Not my will but yours, Lord." Ask Him, I dare you.

Tonight I get to go to this weekly intercessory prayer meeting. I'm part of this group that prays for you, us and this campus. Its tight cuz we get down to business with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Its intense, I'm sure bystanders would think we are intoxicated. Its so funny, but its so true if you were to step back and put yourself in a random persons shoes. Not just this prayer meeting, but anytime the Holy Spririt is moving powerfully and people are worshipping, bowing, praying ,singing, crying, shouting etc. Its got to be strange to someone looking in. Well i gotta get ready. Tomorrow is greenroom, I'm so excited. Saturday might be a beach trip, who knows.

peace.

Love, the GFU Community

"Stained Glass Masquerade"
By Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

D.C. anyone?

Well tonight I officially committed to Washington D.C. Its so last minute its pretty unbelievable I can even go. Sounds like fun I guess, the National Prayer Center, the Oregon Senators, all the cool stuff to see in DC, people I don't know and 7 days of ??????, who knows what. If you ask God to open miraculous doors and then He does, you would think it would be easy to have a thankful attitude. My heart honestly is struggling about going on this trip because I feel like I would be fine if not better off without it. Right now, it isn't me at all. Seriously, but I guess that leaves room for only God. Its not that I don't want to take this amazing opportunity I just don't understand it all I guess. At the same time I can't go without expectating and anticipating God to reveal His glory since I have nothing to do with this situation. God, you better see something I don't, I'm at your mercy. I'm waiting for affirmation that I heard God right and then made a really big decision based on what i thought I heard. Talk about being completely defenseless and almost helpless. Resistance comes before a move of God. God are you moving?

It feels like Sunday

I have to go back to work tomorrow so it makes it feel like today is Sunday and tomorrow is Monday. It is throwing me off a little because for everyone else its now the weekend and a break from school. Its a weird feeling. Well my "weekend" is topped off tonight by working at a wrestling tournament at Tualatin HS. I did my HS rotation there and covered the district wrestling meet last year at Canby. Now its back to wrestling for the evening with a bunch of sweat and lots of blood usually. You have 90 secs to stop the bleeding or else they have to forfeit the match. Its kinda intense I guess. I hope its not boring and for my own selfish gain I hope something exciting happens. Nothing too serious or life threatening, but worth my time. That sounds terrible, but I would't have a job if people didn't get hurt.

the miracles in heaven

This week at work 2 ladies have passed away. One on my day off and one a couple days ago when I was working. I knew both of them, but hadn't worked closey with them individually. My heart breaks for their soul because I don't know where it is for eternity. I have thought about it, but not really thought about my relationship with the people at work and its eternal consequences. Parts of me say it doesn't matter because these people have a severe progression of alzheimers and have stopped living life as we know it. However, my grandma had alzheimers and after a fall she was hospitalzed a few days before she passed away. I had just gotten saved and I questioned whether or not it would mean anything to pray with her, but I felt I had to do it. A couple days before she died I went to the hospital and sat with her and read psalm 23. I talked to her about life and God and that she didn't have to be scared; she was 92 years old so she had lived her life. Then I told her about Jesus and lead her in the sinners prayer, knowing she couldn't speak and probably didn't even understand my words, but my heart was begging for her soul and a miracle I would only see in heaven.

I was talking to the roommate of the lady who died while I was at work and although I already knew she told me her roommate had died, but she was a christian. Going along with it I said yeah so she is in heaven and she replied, " yeah i can't imagine how happy she is. I wonder what its going to be like." She asked me if I was a christian and went to church and she told me she was a christian and was looking forward to heaven. I seriously got teary eyed and choked up trying to have this conversation with her. It struck something in me, the hope of the Lord I guess. All i could picture was this lady who I knew the last 2 months of her life in pain and suffering, vibrant, joyous and alive before the Lord. It was incredible.

It makes me ponder our earthly vessel and the meaning of our soul. It reminds me of our limitations as humans to only speak and tend to our temporary tent. I guess that gives me hope because God is not limited by our human condition and my job is to just take of their vessel, but ask God to take care of their soul. I think I'm going to try praying for each persons salvation as I get them up and ready in the morning. It takes about 15 mins per person to get them up and ready for breakfast. Some just need a little help and some can't do anything for themselves so its possible a conversation about the Lord will come up when God wants it too. I need to pray more, I feel like I can't take this too lightly. If you get bored, you could pray too and we can look forward to the miracles that will await us in heaven.

Can it be?

Can the greatest and most defining vision of your life be enough to conquer the greatest anguish in your heart?

If you ask for a miracle and then God provides can you ask God to take it back?

If God is enough, the only one, our all in all can you still ask for a friend?

Can a person that never cries become the one who needs to cry the most?

Can the person everyone thought was strong enough be the weakest of us all?

Can an empty heart avoid be filled with bitterness and negativity?

Can you be struggling and battling, but not against flesh and blood?

Can people forget who they thought you were and love you as you are?

If you have convinced yourself you don't need anyone can God change you mind?

Lord what can you do with me?

30 years

I have to get this all down before i forget, even though its impossible to forget. Side note..I'm feeling kinda sick right now like dizzy and nauseous, so excuse unclear thought and random typos.

I went to GU 2 tonight and I knew I was going with expectancy and anticipation. I had 3 specific questions I wanted answered by the voice of God.

Q:
1. Am I called to be a pastor?
2. Am I supposed to go to the missions field for a year in Uganda or Cambodia?
3. God could you at least unfold the next step in this thing I like to call my future?

A:
1. I am responsible for the next 30 years to my generation. Why 30 years??? Because in the next 30 years our generation, the largest living generation right now will be running our country and our world. In the next 30 years and less we will see a shift from all things that pertain to"our parents", pertain to "us". In the next 30 years in every current occupation right now from pastors to shop owners and from the president to the teachers, we will see our peers in those positions. The teenagers and 20 somethings right now will be the supreme court justices, the UN ambassadors, the school principals, the doctors and most importantly, the parents of the next generation. They say less than 4% of our generation claims to be a born again evangelical Christian and in the the next 30 years we are going to see that impact everything we know and live by. I feel a burden on my heart for the other 96% before that time comes. In the next 30 yeaers most of us will have kids and have raised them. Right now God is shaping us to be their coaches, teachers, pastors, bus drivers, counselors, professors, doctors, employers and parents. I don't know if any of this is making sense. I have never thought this way before, I'm not really sure where it is coming from. All I know is that Jesus must become a part of this 96% of our peers and as a pastor of my peers, they are my sheep. I feel like I could never grasp the implications of this vision or even what I'm typing right now. God has burned in my heart a purpose and anointing that makes me responsible to the Kingdom of God, only for the glory of the His name. This is the boldest statement I have ever said in my entire life, but yes I an called to pastor my generation.

2. God said, "Wait."

3. This next one is really scary and God's a weirdo :) here's how it went:

G: Go to Washington D.C.
K: what????? why???? I asked you about uganda or cambodia not washington D.C.
G: Remember that the pastors and some college people from city bible are going the end of feb.
K: Yes but i have to work. It is impossible for me to go. There is no way. God is this really you , what are you saying to me, I don't understand.
G: Ask pastor lisa if you can still go and how much it costs?
Lisa: Sure you can go if its God's will it costs $1000.
K: Well its impossbile for me to go without God.
Lisa: Then we will pray if its God's will that he will provide work off and the money to go.
K: when do i need to know by?
L: Monday.
K: This is even more impossible.
G: Ask me. With me nothing is impossible.

So far

Today I went to my first class. We talked about our papers and how to properly quote things in our paper. We have to use APA guidlines which changes every month. Details, details, details. I guess its important for a Senior Thesis. I still need to pick a topic. I had one, but I want t o change it. I have been feeling particular motivated so after breakfast with Steph at the French Bear ( YUM, i totally recommend it) I went to class, then to Hillsboro to get fingerprinted (its not as far away as I thought, we should hang out there), then I got my oil changed, went to the bank, and bought some bread. Now I'm just killing time before going to Campus Ministries to try and make myself useful and then to a discussion/session about women in ministry and pastoral leadership hosted by Sarah Baldwin and Kendra Irons. Its at 4pm at Chapters. I guess it is something that they are going to have every other friday. Interesting. Then after a vanilla chai to wake me up, its off to GU round 2 which I'm super excited about. WOOO, what a day. Probably a late night too, but thank goodness chai keeps me up for like 48 hrs. :) Have a good weekend everybody.

GU, ER, BD

I went to Generation Unleashed this weekend. It was really good as always. Good teaching, awesome speakers, God rocks. It was different for me this time. I knew it would be though, God is working in a different way than before. Forget everything i ever said about not being a cryer, cuz that has changed in the last two weeks. Nothing but jesus used to make me cry, but now I cry all the time. Most of the time its just been a lot more Jesus, but still its humbling cuz its not just crying, but people actually seeing me cry. YIKES! Humble pie...
This weekend I also had my first ambulance ride. I can't really say much about it cuz i was totally out it, but I had to go to the ER and I was in so much pain I couldn't move so my dad had to call the ambulance. It was a crazy afternoon. I had the worst cramps of my whole life and I was in the most severe pain I could ever imagined. It hit me all of sudden right when I woke up to go to church. I think I was starting to go into shock,cuz my dad said I was pale, weak, cold, sweating and shivering. It hurt so bad I couldn't move or really talk. Anyways I went to ER and by the time I got there I was already feeling better, so I felt stupid. All that drama for an anti-climatic ending. They just sent me home and I was still feeling weak and tired so I slept the rest of the day. Then my parents drove me and my car home last night. I didn't go to work today cuz I still don't feel great, but 100x better than the pain I was in yesterday.
So i'm fine, but I needed some comfort last night so an amazing friend came over and I bought the Bethany Dillion cd that we listened to constantly when we were in hawaii. I wasn't much of a bethany dillion fan before that trip, but now it puts me in my happy place. These last couple weeks I've really needed a happy place so great music and great company were just what i needed to make it a great night.

Feb. 3

Do you ever get tired of worrying about the same things? I am tired of this big question mark that I feel like is staring me right in the face, so I'm going to take the first step of faith. I'm overwhelmed by all the decisions I have to make so I'm just going to focus on the first one. God and I talked and by faith I will make my decision with peace and promises by Feb 3, 9 days from now. I am deciding whether or not to take my National Certification Exam to become an Athletic Trainer on April 2nd. There is plenty of human wisdom for whatever I decide, but I'm seeking only God's power to open or close the door. please pray for me.

i don't have any reason to say no

God said he wanted a year after graduation, where I couldn't work or go to school and my only reward could be Him and His Kingdom. I was thinking a ministry internship, but is God thinking a year in missions? I could combine ministry and my degree for a year somewhere like africa or asia. I say to God, " Why Lord, I am not a missionary." God says to me,"Maybe you are."

The truth is

Well the truth is that I already knew the answer to the question I posed in my last blog. Last Saturday in church I realized that I couldn't go to Super Sunday and so I prayed about it. God gave me the most amazing peace about going to the meeting and missing super sunday. He said basically the same thing that you did britt, that faith chooses the impossible. When has a meeting ever been better than church????? By faith, sunday's meeting is going to rock. Britt you are like JESUS! But I already knew that. :) I also wrote my support letter for the trip this week and I got really excited and emotional about the whole thing. God also told me to ask Pastor Asim and Lisa if they would pray over me since I was missing sunday. I talked about it with Lisa on wed. so hopefully that works out. I just got all stressed out and anxious about life. At this point I'm fully convinced that this meeting is where I am supposed to be and I'm excited about it. I can't put it into words, but its God.

In Donald Millers book Blue like jazz, he has an amazing supernatural experience in which God speaks to him. A few moments later he began to doubt it and asked God to speak to Him again, but God answered, " Why should I tell you again? You heard me the first time." I don't know why we doubt, I guess because God doesn't always make sense and its hard to trust things that don't make sense.

Psalm 25 is my favorite psalm and in verse 9 it says, " He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." I realized recently that this verse doesn't say "they will automatically know my way." We wish it said that, but it says "He teaches." This must mean that instead of just knowing God's way, we have to LEARN God's way. Learning requires perseverance, time and patience. I haven't learned something completey new in a long time. Sometimes I like to make it a new years resolution, but I haven't done it in awhile. Learning the guitar was the last thing and that was like 3 years ago. The older I get the less new things I learn how to do because I run out of time and patience. Is that how we treat learning God's way? Do we give up on God's way because it isn't familiar right away so we run out of time and patience fo it? In verse 10 God promises that His way is loving and faithful and in verse 12 He promises that it is chosen just for us. In all my life questions I just want to know the answers, but I think the Lord rather teach me answers. I want God's way with all my heart so I must be willing to learn it.

I'm obssesed

with Church. I was supposed to work tomorrow night at the mens bball game in wilamette, but I was stressed out cuz that would mean I couldn't go to church at all this weekend. Being the desperate church addict I am I called in a favor and switched someone so I can work tonights game instead. However, my first spring serve meeting is Sunday night so I would have to miss Super Sunday service at Church. Which just in case you don't know, its the coolest church thing only behind generation unleashed. I had decided to miss church sunday night and go the meeting because it seemed like the right thing to do, but in light of recent events I feel like going to church is the only way I am going to survive. So now I have this dilema again and I'm stressing out like a drug addict trying to find their next fix. I never knew that being addicted to God could be so stressful. here are the

pros...

Church
- the most amazing anointed prophesy, prayer and worship time of the year. (besides GenUnleashed)
- I'm lost and desperate for God.
- My spirit is straved for the Holy Spirit.
- Church is the only other thing I have besides God.
- My heart just really needs encouragement and to know things are going to be ok.

Meeting
- I could meet the people I'm going on the serve trip with
- We are supposed to decide our normal meeting time
- It would be a good statement of integrity since i committed to this trip

cons...

Church
- everything, I hate missing church.

Meeting
- I feel like my team and leaders would think I'm skipping out or not committed to this trip.

this is a readers poll. Your vote matters. Britt if you are the only one that reads this than your vote REALLY counts.

Ps you have to pick one, i can't do both.

Stop being afraid

"Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." Acts 18:9

2 days off

I'm currently enjoying what would now be my weekend. I have today and tomorrow off from work in tualatin and too much time on my hands. Well, not really because there is always something to do, but there isn't too much I have to do. No assignements, or homework, eventually I will have to start my research project for Senior Seminar. I won't bore you with my topic, but it has to do with the preventation of ACL injuries in female athletes. One sure preventation is not to get malled while playing mud football during finals week freshman year (miki ann). BTW what will be our finals week rendevous? I know we are four years older, but does that mean we are four years less crazy??? Mud football again, we never did finish our game? Or who knows what? Britt you video taped that night didn't you? Oh that ridiculous canoe. Well i guess i have a couple things to work on, but I'll leave you with some recent God thoughts...

Every battle has to be won in prayer first.
A stronghold is anything that is strong enough to hold you back.
Freedom is a seed that reaps holiness.
If we remember what Jesus has done for us, then there is no price too high we could pay for Him.
Are we who today's society loosely calls "christians" or are we fully devoted followers of Christ?
There are specific things that must happen this year, things that are divinely necessary. God has already determined the "musts" of our life, He is looking for one who will do it.