home sweet home

I can't believe there are only 3 days until Christmas and 5 days until i leave for hawaii. It has been nice to be home with my family, it definetly has its benefits. Good food, company and the occasional allowance slipped into my pocket to cover the days expenses. However, my family also stresses me out. My mom gets kinda frantic and edgy preparing for the holidays. X-mas dinner is at our house this year and as of tonight we are expecting 32 people! That has got to be the largest family holiday ever. My family isn't that big, but all of my cousins are divorced and some have doubled the size of their families with husband #2 or boyfriends. I believe my entire family on my dads side is coming. Thats crazy. I think there will be 10 kids under 18. Its going to be crazy and my mom is already stressed out. There has also already been lil' sister drama between her and my mom. They bicker like kids and then yell like maniacs. They each have to get the last word in and they both are short tempered. Its not a good combination. My dad and I mostly stay out of it and try to be diplomatic. My parents need Jesus and my sis has Him, but needs more of Him. I'm not sure anyone is really, truly, happy. It break my heart. pray for them
Well i finally have all my x-mas shopping done. I just have to get stocking stuffers for my parents. When I was shopping the other day I accidently bought two things for myself at Old Navy. I found a pair of jeans for $15 and a sweet jacket for like $20. But i don't think I really need them so I might just take them back. I just thought i needed them and couldn't live without them, but I was wrong. I don't really need them at all so i don't really want them. Its true you shouldn't buy things for yourself while christmas shopping. I was at a christian bookstore today doing some shopping and realized that i wish i read more books. I like to read kinda, i guess. Well there are so many books i want to read, but i never finish books. Since this summer i have started 7 books and finished 1. Its so terrible. I don't know why i can't finish them. Maybe I just lose interest or something. Today at the bookstore there were like 5 books that i wanted to read, but even if i had them i don't know if i would finish the whole book. I brought two books home for break so i'm going to try and finish the one I'm reading right now and then maybe start the next one. We will see.. Its possible i won't read at all. I'm so ridiculous.
I was browsing the ministry tools section at the bookstore and found this book talking about finding God's calling for your life called, "When there is no burning bush". I read the statement, "a true calling from God is humanly impossible..." I just wrote in my journal last night that I wanted to take the way that was impossible for man, but possible with God. I want to know God more so that I can know what really is possible. Whats ahead of me feels completely impossible so does that mean it is completely God? My heart wrestles daily.I heard someone say that when you aren't sure what to do, choose the thing that takes the most faith. Thats so hard, but i guess it is supposed to be.

2 left...

I have 2 finals tomorrow and then I'm finished!!!! Thats pretty much exciting and then the stress of x-mas begins, with work, shopping, bills and family. It will be fun of course but go by fast. I can't believe this is my last real semester of school. Just like that, 4 1/2 years of college flew by. I'm starting to worry again about this whole post graduation, real world stuff, aka a job. I'm working now, but in april i will take my certification exam and hopefully become a certified atheltic trainer, which qualifies me for real work and and a real income. But then what? 4 months of that then onto the ministry? It would be easier if i planned on using my degree the rest of my life, but that my friends just wouldn't do it. It doesn't satisfy the deepest longing and satisfaction of my heart, but am I courageous enough to truly rely on God because I would have to present myself helpless. Is it doubt that he has called me or fear of the calling that I feel? Oswald Chambers said, " Don't worry about knowing your calling, but instead knowing the one who calls." wise man...

FRIDAY!

Well we finally made it to the last friday of classes and I will offically finish at 1:30pm. My brain with turn off at 1:31pm today until Sunday afternoon sometime after church. I have no reason to think about school between then. The weesner x-mas party rocked last night!!! Kudos to all involved. Job well done :) I have to go soon, but on the DL until further notice, I'm going on a Gulf States Serve Trip over spring break! I'm really excited. toodles...

whoa!

Our small group had a dinner tonight and it was a blast. It was possibly the funniest time I have ever had. We seriously were consistently busting up for like 2 hours over people's stories, comments and quirks. It was unbelievable how much we laughed and how funny people are. It was great. I haven't thought about it much but I'm less than two weeks and 1 large paper away from gradutaion. This is really my last school semester. Next semester I'll be working full-time, doing athletic training and writing my thesis. Academically not much stands between me and the end of college. Whoa! Its crazy. I'm going to graduate from college. I'm the first grandchild to graduate from college. None of my 4 older cousins graduated so my grandma reminds me everytime i see her that she has a front row seat at graduation. Its sweet though, cuz I know she is proud which makes me happy. I'm going to go from an old washed up college student, to a nieve, young, inexperienced graduate. Is it really the beginning of the rest of my life? If I live to be 100, school is like only 1/5 of my life. Whoa! Most of my "life" hasn't even happened yet? I think i'm going to start getting sentimental about Fox. So far it has provided the most life changing years I have lived. How are we supposed leave that? Well, I still have time to make the best of it with all my amazing friends that I will be sad to say goodbye to in April. Til then..carpe diem!

why are elephants so forgetful?

I have had the hardest time remembering things the last few days. Just in the last few hours I have added to my planner 5 things that I had completely forgotten about until right now. I hate that. I wish I could remember things better. I don't like when things sneak up on me. Like RIGHT NOW! I just remembered I have to call my parents back. My mom left a message Sunday and tonight i got the second worried phone call. just a sec..k. I'm worried I will forget something like going to work or something halfway serious like the chicken in the fridge I'm defrosting. Well i'm working tomorrow again so its off to bed.

Readers Digest

When somone says give me/I'll give you the "readers digest version", what does that mean? I thought it meant the short version, but I don't think readers digest is that short. Does anyone know? Brittany? Anyways that is how i'm going to use it cuz this is going to be a quick overview of the last couple days.

school = good
work = good
family = good
friends = good
dog = good
car = good
weekend = good
snowman = good
housemates = good
free time = good
future = good
past = good
day = good
night = good
afternoon = good
evening = good
sleep = good
nap = good
socks = good
week = good
heart = good
homework = good
this blog = good
life = never this good
God = always better

thank you

Today flew by with a whirlwind of emotions. I woke up lazy and sad, then it was bored and lonely and now i'm encouraged and humbled. The key ingredient was God of course, but God through two amazing friends. I'm never one to really show i need other people cuz i'm too prideful, but today when I needed encouragement, maybe without even knowing it two friends held by breaking heart. It was just their company, stories and conversation that God used to remind me He is faithful. I needed something to remind me God was still on my side and I got it. I'm thankful for friends like that.

I'm humbled in the presence of God and my heart is just curled up at His feet. The weight of my burdens is lifting and the hope that tomorrow is going to be ok is refreshing. Tomorrow is my first day of work and contrary to previous anxiety I think it will be ok, possibly even really good. I still have to get up hecka early so i will be retiring soon. I'm glad i'm starting on a saturday cuz i don't have much this weekend or school stuff to stress me out. I just have work and then church tomorrow night cuz i have to work again sunday. It should be a good day.

"Thy rod (protection) and thy staff (support) comfort me"

I arrived today!

22 years ago today at about 1pm at SeaTac airport, I got a family. I was born in May a little baby orphan, then was in foster care and finally in my parents arms dec 1 1983. We call it my special day cuz it was a special day for all. My mom says I was wrapped in a blue blanket and there was another baby coming from korea in a pink blanket. Guess which one they got first? Yep, not me. The new mom instincts went for the baby in the pink blanket cause they knew they were getting a girl. However, when they went to dress their new baby for the first time they discovered the baby in the pink blanket was a boy. Akward! HA! I laugh about it now. I bet they were surprised. What do you say, "Eh excuse me i think you have my baby..." The airport always says to check your tags because there could be similar looking baggage. I mean getting the wrong suitcase is understandable, but the wrong baby! YIKES! So they did a little luggage switcharoo with the other family there, but kept the pink blanket and gave the boy the blue one. There you have it folks, that is why today is so special..

PS 3 years later my little sister arrived at the airport and i was there with my parents to pick her up. Hello, a new baby sister, thats exciting until she starts getting all the attention and love so you want to take her back. Back to the airport cuz thats where babies come from. It messed me up for years.... :)

there's only one

who hears your scream, when you don't even make a sound?
when all your tears inside, never hit the ground

who is there when nothing makes it go away?
when nothing changes, no matter what they say

who can hold your breaking heart?
the moment a million pieces tear it apart

who can touch the part, you will never show?
when you are alone and no one else will know

who will carry your burdens, when they are presssing in?
so you can lift your head to see the way again

who sees the wounds opened by fear and shame?
when healing takes too much time and too much pain

who is there when you are ready to be done?
just Him forever, there is only one

I'm employed!

Hello, real world! I decided it was time to get off my butt and go find a job. I have always had a bad attitude about job hunting because it can be so tedious. But the best advice i ever got was in my 9th grade Life Skills class. My teacher said that you should dress up when you go in to pick up an application and fill it out there in case they ask you for an interview right away. Her advice has never failed cuz i have always gotten the job the same day I filled out the application. This time i threw in a resume just to make sure, but it worked. I'm going to be a caregiver at an assisted living facility in Tualatin. They mostly have residents with dementia or alzhiemers and they are so dang cute. I don't think most people can appreciate the tender hearts of the elderly, but God carved out a little place in my heart for them. I really love working with them, even though its hard and sad at times, they teach you so much. I love the twinkle in their eyes when they smile or share a story with you. I'm looking forward to starting, but any new job takes some getting used to especially this one cuz i start at 6:30am. Now that I have entered the working world its early to bed. I'm going to start full time next semester so hopefully i will get used to it, but its still so early. Pray for me, God is real.

its almost snowing

Britt said that if i started a blog i had to make the commitment to write regularly. I'm trying to remember, but the end of semester rush is coming soon even for those of us with only 5 credits. Britt since you are the only one that reads this does it get boring if you keep reading about yourself? Well just in case, britt is insanely jealous of my special day gift. Its not really that ipod that is bothersome, but the fact I get a special day. We were trying to come up with ways to create special days for those children who arrived more naturally then those adopted folks. Someone suggested, I think it was britt, that it be the day the baby was concieved. Nicole added brightly the addition of where and how, but yikes we are talking about our parents. I don't know about you but that makes the mind wander places it shouldn't. And hopefully by now, we all know "how" it happened. I think my special day is mostly for my parents. To them it is like my birthday because it was the day they first saw me, held me and named me even though it was in the SeaTac airpot. Last year I was so crazy busy my parents called me but i didn't have time to call them back and my dad was sad. I felt bad. Its important to them and me too I guess.

Its freezing outside today and it started to rain, but I was examining closely for any hint of snow. I bet Mar it would snow and if it does she has to wear the most outrageous bright green PSU beanie. Its awesome, so I hope it snows soon. The brita came in handy again last night. A couple weeks ago we used it to wash the ice off miki's frozen car. This time it was for washing frozen, moldy, slimly dog poo off Mar's shoe. It was only like 2 weeks old..yuck! We couldn't wash it in a sink or shower so we had to do it outside. It took a stick, TP and the brita to get the job done. whoa! the things i do for my friends...

Final, God thought. Do you ever think about what it means that God is "Holy". I think we throw that word around way too much without really knowing what we are saying. I know that I will say that automatically without even thinking about is His real character. "Holy" thats a pretty powerful adjective because I can't think of anything in this world that people would even loosley say is holy. Occasionaly i think i get a sliver of what it might mean when I'm worshiping and I get overwhelmed, weak in the knees, teary eyed praising my God, but even that is probably not it. The angels in heaven must get it cause all they say is "Holy, Holy, Holy.." Hmm, Lord help me to believe and experience your Holiness.

Not to shabby

well, although the day after thanksgiving shopping turned out to be a minor success, today was a blessed day in my book. It has been a slippery slope of temptations. First i gave in and started this blog and now i'm a proud owner of an ipod nano. I was resisting my "need" to buy one, but you can only resist for so long. My parents combined my special day (dec 1 ,the day i arrived from korea to my parents) and x-mas to bring about this sweet gift. I love my parents they are awesome. I'm so thankful for them. Only one day left with the fam and then back to the books and friends. That also reminds me of the pressing need for employment. My near future includes school, finals, x-mas break and then a 2 week trip to hawaii. Somewhere in there I have to make some money so that I can enjoy x-mas break, hawaii and my bills.
I'm getting partially distracted by itunes and the tv. My dad keeps switching back between The Good, the Bad and The Ugly (classic clint eastwood) and the Titanic, which i haven't seen in about 7 years. I forgot that it is actually a pretty decent movie. I'm not sure what the other movie is about but my dad likes it. It seems strange to me, i guess i can't appreciate the clint eastwood one-liners.

hello, my name is...

Finally, I did it. Bitty said I could steal the words from a song, so thanks to Jars of Clay I have the coolest name ever. I want my life to be a love song for my savior :). Ok, now to the point of all this. I gave in to the blog world because I was finally convinced that it might be a fun and good way to vent all my random thoughts and ideas. There's no better place to blurt all the cool things I learn about Jesus and possibly fill in my faithful readers (lol) on my day to day life. I hope you all know what you are in for. I'm home tonight with the fam getting ready to have thanksgiving dinner take 2 (aka leftovers) and watch the UP Pilots play Notre Dame in the womens college soccer quarterfinals. I did venture out into the real world today for some shopping, but only walked away with a new shirt from Old Navy and the new Third Day cd. Tomorrow will be a fun filled day of taking 100's, yes hundreds of x-mas boxes out of the attic so my mom can decorate the house. More on that lata..dinners ready.

test

test 1 2 3, test, test, is this thing on? can you hear me now?