zero fun sir!

Recently I have been incredibly blessed by friends. Yes its the end of the quarter so most of the time I'm studying, but this last week there certainly wasn't a shortage of fun. Last Saturday I went to a LA Galaxy game. It was an exciting game and it was cool to see David Bekham play. After the game and a cup of coffee it just wasn't time to go to bed so a couple friends and I decided to go slacklining. Slacklining if i haven't told you is this line/rope that you tie between two trees and then try to walk across. It is really hard, but a good challenge. It has been our new hobby lately. We stayed out that night til about 3am slacklining, throwing the frisbee, wrestling, and laying out on the grass under the street lamps. Next morning i didn't have church so the same friends plus many more made and ate sunday brunch together. It was delicious. Then of course memorial day wouldn't be complete without a BBQ so we went over to the boys place and they BBQ'd for us and we played games, were introduced to the Tim Tam Slam and of course the evening wouldn't be complete without a little slacklining. Needless to say, I had a great 3 day weekend and am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.

The next two weeks is paper writing extravaganza. I have two final papers but I'm kinda excited to write them so i'm hoping they won't be too bad. I will probably be moving sometime this summer so i have started looking into places. I signed up for my summer classes, got summoned for jury duty and hopefully will book my ticket soon for kanook summer fun 08 complete with mountains, cars, flannel and cows. :)

quick one liner

as i think about those who have much and those who have little, one obvious solution is that the who have much just do a better job of sharing. we make it more difficult than it is, but instead of 2 for me, 1 for you why not 1.5 each? anyways in my humble opinion all of us that can read this have enough to share. it might mean you have less, but oh well. so i was in this meeting with my small group leaders talking about how we were going to encourage people to give generously to this offering we have at church that will go to outreach. as i was explaining this might be easier for some and harder for others. this girl says:

"yeah some might say God, I don't have enough to share."

I laughed. out loud. i didn't mean to, but i did. She didn't. She meant it. i apologized. i bit my tongue and sat on my hands. it proved my point i guess. it will be harder for some.. Lord have mercy on me.

its good to have friends

you can laugh with, be serious with, cook with, play with, stay up late with, plan with, be spontaneous with



who are honest, who are humble, who are trustworthy, who think of others, who are not perfect, who forgive



who know you, surprise you, laught at you, teach you, accept you, care for you, challenge you



who you admire, look up to, dream with, dream for



who can be angry, insecure, insensitive, selfish, frustrated, grumpy, prideful, unreasonable,



who remind me, I can be too.



I have been reflecting a lot on the african idea of community. This idea that "I am well when we are well." It is such a foreign concept for most of us who live in a very individualistic culture. It was reinforced for me when I watched some video my friend had that just came back from africa. Her team traveled to villages and had time to play with kids and teach them some games. My friend and her team would teach the kids a game and then the african children would teach them one. Of course a classic, one that i have used before is Duck, Duck, Goose. The kids were so cute cheering and chasing one another around. When it was time for the african children to play they all formed a circle and started clapping and singing beautifully. There was one person in the middle and the "game" was to choose someone from the circle and you both danced together in the middle. Then that person would pick the next person to dance with and so on and so on. No winner, no loser, no competiton, no individuals, none of that mattered. There were just always two kids in the middle dancing together. If you would try and get a group of kids here to enjoy or even see the point of a "game" like that, they would be bored or think its stupid.


The contrast in values that I saw in a simple children's game has been yelling at me this past week. It makes me think and pay attention to how i "play" with my friends and others. We would like to think that false humility is the antidote, but in the end we are still trying to win, be first and be better than others. This all ties back to the difference between what we do and who are; a theme that keeps coming back for me this quarter.In our game your identity is how good you are at something compared to everyone else, in the african game your identity comes from being part of the group; belonging to each other. I think i'm drained by a culture that tells people it is what we do that makes us who we are or its what we can't do that makes us worth less. I'm drained by my own judgements of people. I feel like i have the right to determine who is worth my love, but if i'm in christ its not my love, but Christs love that i say i offer. Therefore I shamefully determine who is worthy of God's love, but I say its God's love when really its nothing but my counterfeit. this makes me a fool. this is why i need friends, this is why i need those who are hungry, angry, selfish, judgemental, and broken. they keep me accountable. when its God's love it can bear fruit in me and through me that will last. when its my love I don't do anything. Apart from him i do nothing. Apart from him i cannot love.

nothing is wrong

I just need to talk, run, scream, kick, yell, process, get all this energy out. I feel like i'm about to burst. i want to fight. i want to push the limits. i'm stressed. i want to stay up all night. i want to walk in the rain, sit in the cold, throw punches at the air, do things i shouldn't. i'm fired up, i'm hurt, i'm frustrated. i don't have words. i don't have reasons. i'm emotional. i'm tired. i want to hide. i want to be noticed. i want it to go away. I want to let it out.

1999

Today I went to starbucks with a friend after church. While we were sitting there talking, I recognized a friend from home I hadn't seen in 9 years. We went to high school together and played on the soccer team together. She was two years older so she graduated in 1999. I don't think i have seen her since then. it was so CRAZY! Most of the memories i have are from when i was 14 and 15 years old. scary! She just moved here in the fall to go to medical school. We completely lost touch. I can't believe we ran into each other in a random starbucks today.

Birthday weekend

Today ends a long and enjoyable birthday weekend. Thursday night i had some friends from church and school over for a game night and birthday cake. It was a fun evening and i felt very loved. My parents came in on Friday night and we had a great birthday breakfast together on Saturday morning before I had to work. We found this really cute breakfast place near campus that I had never noticed before. The kids at work were sweet, making me cards and wishing me happy birthday way too many times. I took some of my leftover birthday cake to share with them. I took sunday off so my parents and i headed to malibu for mothers day. The weather wasn't great, mostly overcast, but we walked around some shops and went out on the pier. We had dinner at this great place called Duke's. It was recommended by a friend who went to school in Malibu. It might have been the best dinner out in a long time. It was located on the beach so we sat by the window and looked out onto the ocean. I ordered coconut shrimp and steak, basically two of my favorite things. It was delicious! I also experienced the first advantage of being 25; I finally look 21! At least according to the waitress who didn't ask for my ID when i ordered a drink. Monday we spent shopping, my parents are too good to me, and had happy hour with some of my good friends from school. My parents left this afternoon and now that i'm finished with my paper, the rest of the evening includes taco tuesday and the movie Dan in Real Life. The perfect conclusion to a sweet weekend. I feel super blessed and loved by family and friends.

teary eyed

I'm not a good cryer. It is not generally the way i express emotion. My professor tonight in my spirituality and mission class talked about how she was at a prayer meeting where the pastor was praying for the release of spiritual gifts. For her that night she received the gift of tears. She says that there are times when she is burdened in her spirit and literally moved to tears, but as she begins to pray and intercede she generally feels it lift and is at peace. I thought that was pretty incredible and beautiful really.

I, on the other hand, even when i want and need a good release of tears can't always make it come out. A couple months ago I was in a restless place where i no longer had words or strength and just longed for one of those really good cries. I wanted to cry, but i didn't feel like i could. Usually when i need a good cry, I just have to go to a cooperate worship service or watch a sad movie. Its silly, but a friend and i decided to try the sad movie route. We googled the "saddest movies"and ended up picking Steel Magnolias. I'm sorry if i sound insensitive or mean, but we ended up laughing through the whole movie! It was so ironic because all the reviews talked about how this movie was such a classic tear jerker etc. It could have been that it was an older movie, set in the south, the big hair or dolly parton. i'm not exactly sure what it was, but it was not a good movie; so bad it made us laugh. After all that anticipation we couldn't end our "sad movie night" on that note so we watched Blood Diamond. I didn't cry, but it was a really good movie. I was hoping if the move didn't do it, church would, but so far no tears yet.

Then tonight in class we worshiped and then interceded for Mynamar where a cyclone has killed approx 15,000 people. We just prayed with the people sitting next to us and wow, i got teary eyed, just barely, but i was moved by the presence of God. I'm not sure what it was, but I felt it. maybe i need to focus less on myself.

59,17,9

59 cents - the current price of the previously priced 49 cent tacos on tuesdays

17 - the name of a ridiculous magazine that I was reminded of at work when a couple of girls, who are only 11 and 12 years old mind you, where reading it. remember all those quizzes?? does he like you?, what type of girl are you? how to tell if she is a real friend? don't get me started on these magazines, but it did remind me of a time in 8th grade when a friend of mine wrote into the magazine about losing her virginity and they actually published it with her initials and our town. i did what any good friend would do, i lied for her and we tried to squeeze it off onto someone else. it was quite the drama at the time. teenagers and a small town are not always a good combo.

9 days - until i'm 25. "grin"