59,17,9

59 cents - the current price of the previously priced 49 cent tacos on tuesdays

17 - the name of a ridiculous magazine that I was reminded of at work when a couple of girls, who are only 11 and 12 years old mind you, where reading it. remember all those quizzes?? does he like you?, what type of girl are you? how to tell if she is a real friend? don't get me started on these magazines, but it did remind me of a time in 8th grade when a friend of mine wrote into the magazine about losing her virginity and they actually published it with her initials and our town. i did what any good friend would do, i lied for her and we tried to squeeze it off onto someone else. it was quite the drama at the time. teenagers and a small town are not always a good combo.

9 days - until i'm 25. "grin"

My quirks

Like everyone i have things that make me unique and probably a bit odd, but they make me, me. I prefer to search through the movies A-Z when i'm at blockbuster. Starting anywhere but the A's throws me off. As previously stated I organize my shirts in my closet by sleeve length, eating Melon makes my ears itch and i hate when cabinet or cupboard doors are left open. frozen bread is not my favorite either. "shudder..." these are just silly things, nothing i'm too attached to i hope. Then I have these other quirks that are no easier to understand, but are more than just preferences. Perhaps, they are more like convictions or at least I would like them to be. I have added one to the list this week. No more food eating contests.

This taco tuesday we talked ourselves into a taco eating contest. At 49 cents a taco its a reasonable and affordable challenge. Some people could enjoy the first place, 3 way tie of 9 tacos and rice and beans, but i could not. Being stuffed fuller than i can imagine as if food is a luxury or just a game left me feeling inconsiderate and selfish. What pains me more is that i felt it wasn't right but did it anyways. You can call me weird or call it silly, but I cannot enjoy it when a very dear friend of mine and her family in India survive on 1 meal a day. When her younger sister is barley more than skin and bones and her other sister's cute pot belly is due to worms and malnutrition. They live in a slum along the road i traveled often and it became my favorite place to be. It is not just knowing them or their situation that fuels my shame, but its that i claim to love them and they loved me. I acted as if they are less important or valuable than the friends I sat at the table with. You may not see the connection between a seemingly harmless taco eating contest and the poverty and hunger in the world but I feel it down deep.

Dear Beloved,

I need to ask for your forgiveness. I take responsibility for my offense. There is no excuse for my carelessness. I was selfish and inconsiderate. I know the act does not seem that great, but its my heart that grieves me. If you were in my presence I would have never acted the way I did and to do so in secret, like I could get away with it, is even more humiliating. Most will not understand, but I must take responsibility for what I have not just seen or heard of from a distance, but for what I have walked through, sat in and held in my hands. You welcomed me into the little you had and still gave me all you could. No matter what i did i could not out give you. The least i can do is honor your sacrifice and let it teach me. Please keep reminding me because I tend to forget what reality is. Its easier for me to live in another world that demands less of me. I do call you friend and I want you to know i mean it. Jesus has broken the barriers that could've been. You are no less valuable or lovable to me. You offer me accountability and love that no other friend can. I'm thankful for you. Forgive me for not being more considerate. I am far from perfect but for all that you taught me, its the least I can do.

Bhalo thako. Dekha hoybe.

Spring Cleaning

Yesterday I finally tackled the task of spring cleaning. It started with a car wash. I can't rely on the rain anymore. Then i moved onto my room: my bed, my desk, the walls, the floors, my closet are all dusted and sparklingly clean. Next was the wardrobe. I figured it was time to trade in the hoodies, sweatshirts and fleeces for t-shirts, shorts and of course my beach clothes. In my attempt to live with less and more simply by rule I try to keep only what I use. Its so easy to end up with so much I don't really need or ever use. It helps me to just pull out everything i have cuz once i see it all, there is always too much. It feels good to be organized. One ridiculous type A thing i did is hang my shirts in increasing sleeve length order. I don't think this is weird. I think it is helpful. This way all my tank tops are together, then my t-shirts, then my 3 quarter sleeves, then my long sleeves. Its a beautiful thing. It brings me joy. I don't see any other way.

live simply so others may simply live.

The boy i beat at basketball

his name is Jon.

I smell like burnt popcorn

Life has been full lately with both fun things and serious things. i'll talk about the random fun things. I really do smell like burnt popcorn. Without fail, i burn the popcorn at work. I blame it on the microwave. I beat a boy at basketball this week. It was fun. I won at horse twice. I started running again. well i mean i ran twice this week and tomorrow will be 3 times. i walked out of church on sunday partially cuz the pastor presented the need for maintenance on their fountain outside their church. it will cost 250,000 dollars. a great need he said. i disagree. i have been thinking about the controversy over the Olympics being held in china. http://www.dreamfordarfur.org/. be informed. do your part. these words are from one of my friend's songs: "May indifference never tempt someone to say, "it's not my fight,"Change is subject to the hope we hang onto with all our life,There is hope that all things will be made a new, but not right now,But you and I, we can try to make things right." I had decided I wasn't "called" to Africa and I didnt have the desire to really go. Now i'm thinking about going to Sierra Leone. wasn't my idea. I order the Greek Pizza when i go to California Pizza Kitchen. I'm eating my leftovers right now. I'm also listening to AIr1 online. i haven't listened to it in a long time. there is some new stuff. christian radio isn't that bad. i wish i could go to the beach tomorrow. its supposed to be 90 degrees. i want to go swimming. the rumor is true. i did watch Lord of the Rings. i have got to be careful or Pride and Prejudice might be next. i'm trying to take more study breaks for Jesus. less email and facebook. more prayer. although its late, i'm not tired so i'm going to read for fun.

Acres of Hope

He will allure her
He will pursue her
And call her out
To wilderness with flowers in His hand
She is responding
Beat up and hurting
Deserving death
But offerings of life are found instead

She will sing
She will sing
Oh, to You
She will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead her away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

Here in the valley
Walk close beside me
Don’t look back
For love is growing vineyards up ahead
You have called me master
And though you’re in the dark here
Call me friend
And call me lover and marry me for good

How the story ends is
Love and tenderness in Him
Not safe, but worth it
So the valley’s up ahead
Or the ones we live
We’ll sing together
We’ll sing together

We will sing
We will sing
Oh, to You
We will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead us away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

why?

A few months back 3 girls who were younger than me, but who i went to George Fox with got into a car accident. One of them died. She wasn't a friend, but i knew her and my mind raced with the various interactions i remember. Now a guy who was older than me, but who i went to George Fox with was hit by a car and died. I knew him through friends. What makes it worse in ways i can't imagine, is in the car that hit him were my two really good friends also Fox Alum. They are married now, but I went to the Philippines with him and lived and played soccer with her. They were friends with the guy who died. sick.

http://www.newsregister.com/news/story.cfm?story_no=233146

sister, sister

Its finally spring break and i don't like that it is going by so fast. Rach has been here since monday. We had an awesome time at the beach. We played in the sand, went swimming in the ocean and got a little sunburned. We also shopped in hollywood, enjoyed taco tuesday, the park and frisbee. Yesterday while i was at work antonia and my sister when shopping in old town. Much to my disgust the two of them are scheming against me, but don't worry i'm going to get to the bottom of it :). Rach is now visiting with a friend from HS who lives here in socal then heads home on saturday. It was great to have sister time.

Although i still have to work this week I have been able to do something fun everyday. Lent is over so i'm back to watching movies and eating cookies. Perfect timing for spring break. I'm a little nervous about next quarter. I decided to take the plunge and become a full time student. I will have 3 classes, work and whatever life is possible, if any. I just keep telling myself it is only for 10 weeks. For now, i'm going to enjoy the rest of my break and live somewhere between productivity and spontaneity. Bring it on!

maybe it just takes practice

This time we made it to our destination, Inspiration point. This time we followed the sign marked with an arrow that read "Trail". This time when we realized we missed the trail we turned back and found it. This time we made it without having to hang off any cliffs or walk along any edges. But, this time i decided to wear my chacos instead of shoes. This meant by the time we had gotten to the top I had the most amazing blisters on my heels and the sides of my feet. When you have to go back down the mountain another 3 miles whats a girl to do? Well you just keep going. I walked the entire way down, stopping a few times when i couldn't take it any longer with these raw bloody blisters shouting at me "you are an idiot for wearing sandals hiking!" My friend attempted to assist me by asking the hikers we passed for bandaids, but there were none to be found. The ironic thing is that before we left she asked me if she should bring some bandaids and of course i said "no way, we won't need bandaids!" When will i learn? The hike wasn't a complete failure. It was a beautiful sunny day. We escaped the stress of finals week for a few hours. We talked, we laughed, we shared life. We ended the day the only way possible, with taco tuesday of course. We had worked up an appetite on the trail and the tacos hit the spot. I don't think i will hike on the same trails again. I have made my peace with the mountain and it has left its mark on me. I don't need to do it again. I'm done.

my heart checkup

this week was the last week of classes and thursday in my art of evangelism class my professor read a commissioning prayer of sorts to us as we ended class. we all stood up and he spoke this blessing/charge/commission over us. it was just a short pause in the middle of my day to stop, remember and hear why it is i'm truly at seminary. i don't remember any of the actual words that were spoken, but i remember the reassurance I felt and the way the spirit moved in my heart. its true here at seminary that people who start off feeling called to ministry, leave with less spirituality than when they came. i have heard of it happening and i am starting to see the beginnings of the fight to hold onto a living and real God. i have been fighting my own fight against cynicism and restlessness. however, on thursday when we paused from our intellectual and academic pursuits i was reminded by the real and life giving God that indeed is not worried about the knowledge I gain if i don't have the right heart to handle it. the holy spirit offered a little heart check up and asked me, "With the knowledge i have gained and the desire to use what i have learned, has my heart become more open or closed? more soft or more hard? more humble or more prideful? more bold or more afraid? more willing or more hesitant? more loving or less loving? have i become more important or less important? have i gained the world only to lose my soul?" the goal of seminary is not more knowledge, the goal of seminary is more wonder, more fullness and more intimacy.

the search for God

its the confusion you feel when you are searching for something that you can't even believe you just lost. you had it just a second ago. where did it go? you look around not completely convinced it was possible for you to really lose it. you just had it right here. it can't be that lost. it must be here.

its the surprise you feel when you find something that you totally forgot you lost until you suddenly find it out of the blue. when you were looking for it you couldn't find it, but when you are looking for something else, here it is!

its the anxiety you feel when you have just lost something really important. the thought of it never being found creates panic and fear. its the only thing you can think of and worry about. all your efforts go towards finding it. you can't go on until it is found.

its the gratitude you feel after you have exhausted yourself and looked everywhere possible. when the moment you prepare yourself to believe it can't be found, someone else comes along and asks "Is this what you are looking for?"

eternal sunshine

It might just be me, but i feel like its going to be sunny here from now until maybe October? It feels like what i used to call summer back home. I'm not complaining though its great, but it makes homework and class so much more difficult. today i realized that you may not really know what you believe until you really disagree with someone. I realized i have strong feelings about the way i think a certain thing should be, but i didn't realize i cared that much until talking with someone who saw it totally differently. Before i could do anything about it I desired to argue and tell this person they were wrong and i was right. I was frustrated and it took all my strength not to be argumentative. Humility and listening flew out the window and in my heart my opinion became center stage. I'm just a little surprised i felt strongly about this issue in particular.It was nothing really important or life changing. I don't know if I'm right, that's not really the issue. I'm always learning and I attempt to hold truth with open hands, but truth does exist, right? Even if the truth is, it doesn't really matter? i'm getting too philosophical for my own good, back to homework.

stories

we all have them. we love to hear them and share them. they make us laugh, cry and remember. As christians we get used to telling just one story. We call it our testimony, conversion story or life story. But I wonder if our life is really just one story, one journey, or one conversion. Life is certainly not just one failure, or one success or one lesson. Why do we get so used to telling the same story? The world would benefit much more from honest christians. Who like everyone else have failed, have regrets, insecurities and dreams. I think we need to learn to tell our stories, not just the big conversion, but all the little conversions that occur over and over because our need for grace never ceases. How will people know the daily, present, active God unless we share the little victories and the little losses that life is made up of?

I have been reflecting on the Easter story that has become so familiar to me. I have tried searching for it within my own stories of rejection, sacrifice, hope and redemption. As i reflect back on my faith journey and the times i have cursed God, questioned God, shook my fist at God and resented God, I realize He remains alive, loving and accepting. During this season of lent I wonder if all the "little" easter stories would breath life into the all familiar Easter Story. All victories big and small are meaningful. I pray the easter story would invade our lives; not just our soul, but our mind, our heart, our family, our friends, our work, our successes and our failures.

wandering

I am wandering.
wishing there was an away
how can I get there,
if i find it can I stay.

I've lost what i wanted
how it is supposed to be
without the solution,
I run from me.

If you pray

if you pray I need courage. Life has changed. the loss was not a premediated offering resulting from a planned and thought out process. the loss is raw. shocking. difficult. a sacrifice. the gain is not a promise or a vision given to a soul searching for more. the gain is raw. shocking. difficult. a sarcifice. if you pray, I want to be brave.

My first hike in California

I don't like to ask for directions so when a friend and I lost the trail on a hike, instead of turning back I forged through onto unknown mountainsides. This led us to a ledge of sorts, but not a flat sturdy ledge made of rock. It was more of a steep slope of sand that quickly turned into a drop off which plunged towards the creek 30ft below. At this point normal people's gut would speak up and keep them from trying to cross this ledge. However, my gut remained silent and my pride cheered me on. After my friend and I crossed onto this steep ledge successfully with determination and difficulty, we decided that the crumbling rock and loose ground was not much to our liking, so we decided to turn back. Graciously my friend allowed me to lead the way as we struggled to maintain our balance and inch our way back to solid ground. I started back, reaching for what was soft crumbling rock that provided little support and then i jumped hoping to land on solid ground. However, I didn't land on solid ground, but on the incline that forced my feet out from me and allowed gravity to have its way. As I'm now sliding down the short slope towards the imminent drop off I reach for the hand of God in the form a short steel pole of sorts sticking up from the ground, that marked the end of the hill and the beginning of a free fall. I was thankful to have a hold of something so solid, but wished it was not as i'm hanging of the cliff. I pulled myself back up and managed to get back to where my friend was and we finally made it off the ledge we should have never tried to cross. If only the story ended there. While we were pondering the location of the trail that would lead us home, we saw people above us that indicated we just needed to go up. Up? yeah right, up the steep, rocky, sandy, unstable mountainside? yes, up that. So with my aderaline still pumping and my limbs still shaking we indeed decide to go up.
Though this time there was no danger of falling off the side of the mountain, there was the danger, i quickly realized of falling down the mountain. As I'm scrambling my way up the slope, attempting to get back to the path it becomes clear that there isn't alot that is stable about the slope i'm now halfway up. My predictions are soon confirmed when the entire mountainside i'm on decides to move down and out from under me. The dry land,the dirt, the branches, the rocks and I tumble back to where i started my ascent. If the near free fall over the cliff wasn't enough, i now have the battle wounds left by a small landslide. But I won't turn back. I won't give up. Finally both my friend and I successfully make it up to the top and onto the wide path that will lead us to bandaids, pizza, a movie and a toast to life.

it rains here

even so cal gets rain and snow. the mountains just behind my house have snow on the tops and the ones a little further in the distance are even more snow covered. today it is raining again, but i won't complain. i'm trying to be a true nwesterner by not using an umbrella. i'm super excited because this week I received kyle's new cd that is full of songs he wrote while we were in kolkata. he is a great musician and his lyrics tug my heart back to india. its an awesome cd! i have had it on constantly since i got it. next weeek is already midterms. quarters go by so fast. classes are still going well. i'm excited about the projects i have in both classes. i love that in grad school the work you do can directly apply to your interests or what you want to do after school. its not like algebra 2. speaking of math i'm a little embarrassed to say that when i help the kids with their math i sometimes forget all the steps of long division or even fractions. how bad is that. well i gotta run off. i'm trying a new church today with some friends. live today with all your heart.

God speaks

do you hear his voice with your ears or your heart. does he tell you or show you. is it always want you want to hear. is it true. when are you sure. how do you know. is it as a father speaks or as a king speaks. are you the only one who hears. are you the only one who doesn't. can you feel it. do you sense it or do you know it. do you question him. do you doubt him. do you believe him. does he use words. does he use gut feelings. does he use silence. do you respond. do you ignore. do you pretend you didn't hear. do you know what he would say. do you know what he wants to say. do you know what he is saying. would you look if he showed you. would you listen if he spoke. would you come if he invited you. would you go if he sent you. would you wait if he asked you. do you know that it is Him?

missing you

this was the last day i saw these beautiful faces. it was a beautiful morning with our dear friends whom we grew to love and long for during my time in india. they are saying goodbye because we are leaving for the states and they are telling us to come again. i wish i could rediscover the simplicty of love and joy that captured me in the slums of kolkata. help me jesus.

taco tuesday

not only is it the first day of class, but its TACO TUESDAY! what is taco tuesday you might ask? well its 49 cent tacos at a little mexican restaurant near echo park. thanks to the directions i got from mari and the cardboard sign in the window, i'm sitting here stuffed with the most wonderful 49 cents tacos. what a deal! last night was my roommate jessica's birthday and we had a blast. we played pool, ate cake and i revealed the truth about my high school mascot. boy oh boy, i don't think i will ever hear the end of it, but for the record I'm proud to be a Spudder. They loved it even more that one of the elementary school's mascot was the tater tots. i mean cmon is there anything better than that? who loves small towns? tonight after some reading and possibly a nap is the conclusion of the Bourne movies. I liked the Bourne Supremacy better than the first one so we will see how the Bourne Ultimatum turns out. I'm so glad that classes have started and i get to see my school friends again.

the real me

when i look back at my last quarter i have to admit it wasn't great. i'm not sure it was even good. on the outside it was as expected, classes were fine, people were cool, etc, but on the inside i was dead. i didn't believe in much, feel much or care about much. i kept striving and hoping that enough of the right things would pull me from my funk. of course nothing did and as time went on i stopped following god, stopped living for him and actually just stopped living. it was depressing, tiring, and pointless. but there was something inside of me longing to be held and loved and reassured. such an ache to be saved and redeemed. and there were glimpes of peace and of his presence. refreshing as just a single drop of rain on my tongue. but enough. enough to make me stay. though i felt i had stopped walking with jesus, i at least did not walk away. i still heard a voice that said, "come" i didn't know how, why i should or even if i could. so all i could do was stop, wait and beg the lord to come to me since i was struggling to get to him. it was a strange time for me. feeling so absent from god's life, faith and spirit. so empty, so dry and it even felt like a waste of time. then finally something started to shift. move. begin.

i can't pin it down or say when or how it began, but i feel different. it could have been when i finally had to admit i didn't want to go back to india more than i wanted god's will for my life. if it wasn't him i didn't want it. i had to let go. or it could have been my time at home when i finally cried at church in his presence and the laying on of hands. i sensed that god cared that i was away and loved me still the same. how refreshing! and it might have just been being away and realizing when i came back i'm here for a reason and on purpose. all of these things would seem to make sense but the truth is it was more of an act of God's mercy than anything i have done the last few weeks. his mercy is a breath of fresh air in my polluted life. so this takes me to 2008. a new beginning. not just a second chance or a do over. but a chance to discover him in my midst and on my side in a new way. new dreams, new ways, new places, new faith.

i feel like i can pray again. ask again. take risks and believe in him again. my all is in him, nothing else. i am not who i was. i want to discover why i was made. it is amazing the power of grace to wipe the slate clean. the way the cross reminds me of my dependence. the way the spirit just needs a spark to start a fire in my heart. in the end it all takes me back to the one who loves me the most.

I love being organized!

School starts again on Monday and i'm truly excited. Today I had the day off so I feel so productive. I finally decided on my classes after being unsure for about a month. I'm taking Culture and Transformation and the Art of Evangelism. The Art of Evangelism I just decided on today, but I was in the bookstore browsing through the textbooks and I thought this could be a cool class. Grad school is so much reading, so i figure if the books look appealing maybe the class will be too. Between my two classes this quarter's library consists of: Transforming Power, Ministering Cross-culturally, Transforming Culture, Breaking Tradition to Accomplish Vision, Culture Matters, the logic of evangelism, Evangelism in the Early Church, Conversion in the New Testament, Holy Conversation and More Ready than You Realize. Sweet huh? I'm honestly thrilled about it. I might even start reading this weekend.

I finally hung up pictures on my wall. They have been blank since well... September. I have never been one for much decorating. I have always wanted to be that type of person, but even so I figured blank walls for the last 4 months was long enough! I also dusted, yes also for the first time since i moved in, ewww. Now, my room is all clean and organized so I feel ready to start school. Last night a friend and I started the Bourne Identity Trilogy. Thanks to a gift card for blockbuster we decided to watch the first one last night and hopefully we will watch the second one tonight. So far I have concluded that I never really watched them before because matt damon is not my favorite. i don't really know why, but I don't think I have ever really liked a movie he has been in. is that mean? I'm not really sure. I guess I'll give him two more chances to win my heart. Speaking of movies for the last 5 years I have gone on a media fast in january. It just means I didn't watch tv or movies in jan and replaced that time with prayer and the word. It usually concluded at the end of the month when each year I would attend Generation Unleashed, a youth conference in portland. Honestly between school and work I have zero time for movies so i'm having to rethink the media fast and try to find something else. It doesn't really matter what "it" is that I fast from as long as it requires sacrifice and is replaced by more time in prayer and time with God. I won't get into the theology of prayer and fasting, but the greatest reward for me in the beginning of a new year is simply being with Christ and making more time for him; praying. listening. learning.

Well friends, welcome to my new/old blog. I can't promise how often you will find me here, but I'll do my best.
peace.

Happy new year!

Happy new year. I'm ready for a new start. A year ago I was in ridgefield, wa on my way to to India and now I'm in los angeles going to seminary. i'm ready for somethng new, something unique, something that takes faith. A year full of dependence and the mercy of the one who loves me. Something I cannot do on my own.

Its 1 year

exactly from my last post on this blog. I gave up blogger, then started my "India blog", but while i was gone, blogger became way more user friendly. On this momentous or not so momentous occasion I'm considering coming back to blogger, but i have this weird type A thing about time. I started my blog at Wordpress on Jan 15th, 2007 so if I'm going to switch back my last post over there should be December 15th, 2007. Of course I can switch over anytime and honestly its less confusing if I just keep my wordpress blog. However, it could just be my "2007" blog documenting mostly India, and my new home in LA. I'm not good at this blogging thing and what if i want to switch again. Oh...the blogging dilemmas.

This blog is where the history is at. I started it before graduation, before nike, before India, before Fuller. Its my record of all the lost and confusing times in college of trying to guess what i would do with my life after college. Of course I never guessed, nike, india or fuller. This blog is a window into my past. HAHA! Now i sound corny. Cmon' folks its just a blog. Sometimes I have time for it, sometimes I don't. There are certainly more important dilemmas in life. In any large or small picture of life do they really matter? Absolutely not. Love matters more, peace matters more, justice matters more, truth matters more, simplicity matters more, the kingdom matters more. So what do i conclude after all this ranting and raving? Will my blog have updates? Will my blog have my dreams? Will it tell you a story? Will it make you laugh? Will it inspire you? Will it be outdated and never read? I have no idea.

I'm humbled

to realize it is I, who needs India, not the other way around.

I like weekends

Ever since I have been working I don't think I have had a weekend that I thought flew by and wished was longer. Weekends are so perfect. There is enough time to relax, have fun, enjoy not working and get things done. This might be because I'm boring, but so far weekends are the best perk to the real world. I finished my 3 essays I had to write on three different books. All the books have been insightful and challenging. I'm actally still reading one of them and its the one that is specifically about Calcutta. There is a slum in the city where the poorest and most destitute people live. The area is called the City of Joy and this book details the stories and experiences of both westerners, christians and the indians who live in this slum. It has been the greatest wake up call to what I'm getting into. I feel like I will never survive what I'm getting into and at the same time I'm questioning how I am ever going to leave the people i meet. The new adjective I have decided to best describe the way the poor in India live and are treated is inhumane. It makes me thing of the death camps in Germany and the jews in the holocaust. The poor and ill in India aren't getting gased and slaughtered, but they are in some ways being exterminated, left to die. Despite all this, the message from the slums in joy. There is no way to grasp that. The Lord has challenged to believe for not just joy, but hope for those I meet.

The thing that drives me the most and terrifies me the most about India is that for the first time in my life there will be no satisfication, no peace, no joy, no compassion, no hope and no love in me except through the power of Christ and the Holy Spirit. There will be no way to fake it, no way to rely on something else or turn to my own strength. I seriously mean nothing else, no other way, totally impossible. There is no humanly way for me to come away from India with any positive experience without fully relying on God and his promises. I will have nothing else and I'm getting the sense there will be nothing to live for except for eternity.

I dropped the turkey

Ok, not really, but I couldn't think of a good title. I'm glad I didn't drop the turkey. I'm sure some unfortunate soul out there did though. Couldn't you just wash it off? I'm happy to report thanksgiving went well here at my little humble abode. It was nice to see my family and the food turned out good i think. It wasn't nearly as stressful as I thought it would be, so that was a relief. It was strange to not go "home" for the long weekend. Usually its a much needed break from school and 4 days at my parents house is a nice breather, but this year people came here for a few hours Thursday and then I had a quiet weekend in my own place. I did make it out shopping for a few things and got some pretty sweet deals. When I shop for new clothes I have to pay attention to the brand so that I can wear whatever I get to work. Quite honestly it makes me buy things that I normally wouldn't or care about the brand when I normally wouldn't. I was in PacSun and I could only look at Hurley things because I can wear that brand to work because it is owned by Nike. I did find some nice sweaters and a hoody so it worked out ok. I really needed some new brown shoes and haven't found any "appropriate" ones so I splurged and bought some cute sketchers. I don't think you can see the brand name so hopefully no one comments on them. I hate being so conscious of what brand I'm wearing. I feel so materalistic. I only have 4 weeks left at Nike. It makes me kinda sad cuz I'm really going to miss it and the people I work with. I really like my job. It has worked out for me so greatly. The Lord has really taken care of me :) I hope I have made an impact for Jesus on the lives around me.

I got some of my books from Amazon that i have to read for my trip. I have to read 3 books and write 3 papers by Friday and then I have to bring 7 others with me. All of them are dealing with Jesus, the poor and his ministry to the poor. I think I have started to believe less in christianity and believe more in Jesus. If we take a clear candid picture of his life through the Gospels I have wondered if Jesus, the man, would even be in my church. I'm starting to wonder. I hope people can tell, not what I'm following, but who...

Thanksgiving, Soccer and Catholics

Thanksgiving:

I don't think I announced to bloggerland that Thanksgiving is at my house this year. Yep, that is right. My family and friends are coming here and I'm cooking. I have learned a lot in the last week about how to cook a thanksgiving dinner. Its been an open training room discussion many times and today's topic was "how many people cook the stuffing in the turkey?" I haven't decided what I'm going to do, so I bought a box of stuffing that can be cooked in the oven, on the stove top or in the turkey. Would anyone like to weigh in on this poll? I also learned there are a billion ways to cook a turkey. I'm not experienced enough to have my own special touch so I'm just going to roast it like my mom does. Its always delicous when she does it so we will see if I can pull it off too. So that covers stuffing, turkey... gotta do potatoes, rolls, my mom is making greenbean cassarole and my grandma is making pumpkin pie. I think that is it...oh yeah and Lefse. (Its kinda like a norweigen style tortilla) There will be 8-12 people over at my place and a 19lb turkey. I'm excited to see how this all goes. Wish me luck.

Soccer:

My end of the year banquet is tomorrow for my soccer team. We are having it in Sherwood and each of the girls gets a certificate, embroidered scarf and a speech from the coaches. Heidi and I were practicing what to say for each girl. I hope we can come up with enough unique things to say about each one so they all feel special. You can only say "and they were a hard worker..." so many times :)

Catholics:

In a conversation with Lacey about Catholics she says, "They are like big into Mary, like you talk to her when Jesus is busy."

Jesus, Name Above All Names

Is it possible to understand the impact and reality of the above statement? I wish I could.

Why now?

Well i guess i'll starting blogging again today. I don't know how many "agains" this is, but its exactly 3 months since my last blog so why not start now. I want to maybe try and keep a blog while I'm in india cuz it would be a good way to share my experiences during my time there. I don't know if that will be possible or if it will be a priority to keep posting, but I can always try. I just realized that in exactly 3 months from today I will be leaving for India; strange.... It doesn't even feel real or like I'm actually going, but I am and I know I can't imagine what it will be like. I do have to read 3 books and write 3 papers by December 1. I'm currently reading The Jesus I Never Knew by Phillip Yancey. I think it is really good and offers a great perspective on Jesus' life and the poor. It faces the fact that Jesus was in the company of the poor and the outcasts, yet in today's christianity those are the people groups most unlikely to step a foot into church. It touches on the fact that the Jesus represented in Christianity today may not be the Jesus we read about in the bible. I would recommend it.

Last time I wrote I had just started coaching the sherwood soccer team and now our last game is this Saturday. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. We have our end of the year party next Tuesday in Sherwood and then I'll be done. Its been a really fun experience and I hope I was able to make a positive impact on their impressible lives. I mean ate age 11 they are at my house eating spaghetti and decorating sugar cookies and at age 15 they will be getting drunk and having sex with boys. Oh Lord help them.

Well i guess that is it for my blogging debut, once again. Over and out.

By the end of August

Life has been cruising along. I will be living in a new place the end of August. Hopefully in an apartment with my sis in SW portland. We found an awesome deal so hopefully this week we will know if it is ours. I have to honestly say that I never saw myself being in the area come Sept. I was willing to go anywhere for the Lord, but I wouldn't have thought i would need to be willing to stay. I have to tell you though the Holy Spirit has been doing some major interrupting. I'm not sure if I have the faith or courage to obey, but I'm not sure I have an alternative. I can be such a fool. The end of August is also my soccer team's first game. We are playing in a tournament in Tigard. It should be fun and it will bring back the memories of the good ol' soccer days. Coaching is fun and one of the girls and her family go to City Bible, so I got to pray with them on Sunday for the team. It was encouraging. I think it will be weird to get off the "school year" schedule." I feel like Fall is starting a new year and season like when I was in school, but my life really isn't on that timeline anymore. A new year was marked by the start of the school year, but now it can be a fiscal year or a calendar year. Up until now the school year was how I measured my years. Its just another daunting fact of the real world. The best of my year, still could come. In 2006 I graduated and ........to be continued...

I just saw...

Robin Williams at Fred Meyer in Newberg. Yep, Robin Williams, yes Fred Meyer and yeah in Newberg. Random...

you can call me coach

My girls decided they want to call me "coach." I told them that they didn't have to, but they wanted to. It was so fun tonight. I made it to the last half of their practice so I met them, their parents and got to play a little with them. It will be so fun to coach soccer. They are 11, going into the 6th grade. I think its like the best age ever. Young enough to automatically love you and old enough to be receptive and follow directions. It should be so fun. I get to hang out with them and help teach them soccer. It will be great. I'm still a little nervous about the whole parents thing. Keeping the parents happy is half that battle, but so far so good. Thursday will be my first full practice on my own with them. 1hr and half with them and boy do they need to get in shape. I do too though, so I'll probably run with them but its still conditioning. I'm so excited to teach them little basic things that will make a huge difference and help them out alot. It will be exciting to watch them learn. The girls there were actually pretty good, i was impressed. They were better than I expected. I praise the Lord for this opportunity cause i think its a wonderful blessing to be a part of these girls lives and get to know their families. Their season will go into November so I get to spend a lot of time with them. God just opened this door and I ran through so you can pray I will be open to opportunities to sow and invest in these girls and their families. I'm so thankful to be able to this. So regardless of Nike I think I should just plan on being here through dec. This coaching position is volunteer, so i will probably have to find another job, but I'm be coaching through Nov. Cool. :) glory to God.

So I thought

I was done blogging. I hadn't written anything in forever and figured it wasn't that big of a deal so I almost decided not to blog anymore. But, EXTRA, EXTRA...today at work this guy came in with a torn ACL and he is having surgery next week. We totally hit if off and so tonight we went out!!! CRAZY??? I know, like "out" on a date, i know wipe that surprised look off your face. How romantic, he's from italy, he's on crutches, but oh well. So anyways there is hope out there for anyone who is reading this cuz he's out there. Well acutally i wouldn't know cuz most of that is not true. Sorry if i got ya. Only in my dreams. But today was great because I did meet a guy from italy, a professional kiteboarder and yes, he did tear his ACL and I really do hope to watch his surgery. However, he is happily married and his wife works for Nike and they are both italian so they are super cool and sweet. He said once he's better ( like in 9 months), he will teach me and my boss how to kiteboard. Sweet huh? Way better than a date! Hopefully I still have that connection, his friend is the #1 kiteboarder in the world. So i have to get him better so I can go. I also might coach a U12 girls select team in sherwood. I'll find out soon about that. I have been really wanting to get involved in the community since I'm out of school and actually have time for a life. I hope it works out. At that age its less about soccer and more about preteen management and keeping the parents happy. :) oh yeah and if you didn't know it looks like i'll be in the area a little longer.

I passed!

I found out today I passed my certification exam. All 3 sections...phew! what a relief. My whole undergraduate career (5yrs, thats a long time) was leading up to this test and I'm happy to report it has paid off. I guess this makes me a professional in the real world. Karli Saathoff, ATC strange...This could very well be the start of the rest of my life, it could go anywhere from here.

"Everybody ends up somewhere, very few end up somewhere on purpose" Pastor Frank

WOGS (Word of God Speak): "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." Jer 10:23 "If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24 "In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

How come i didn't know?

Thanks to some ridiculous traffic and a wrong turn i went from going to Old Navy on Cedar Hills, to the Streets of Tanusborne instead. It was the best decision of my week. This outdoor mall is amazing. I was by myself after work so i just took my time and bought stuff at GAP,AE and Hollister. Its like bridgeport plus REI and those other stores. There is also a Bella Espresso there with gelato. The onwer/artist of it was my co-leader during my trip to the philippines. He has a Bella at Cannon Beach and was in the process of opening this one when we got back from the philippines. I dropped in to see if he was there, but he wasn't so i had some french vanilla gelato. It was the best french vanilla ice cream i have EVER had. It was the cherry on top of a good day and the start of the weekend. I had no idead this mall was even there. I hadn't really heard of it. Thanks to stephs helpful geography lesson of beaverton i found my way there.

I'm in the midst of a wardrobe change. I have to wear business causal at work, so bascially no jeans, but my boss does wear flipflops. Anyways, the business causal department of my wardrobe is lacking hence the shopping spree today. I couldn't put together 5 different outfits, but i bought a bunch more shirts today that i can wear to work and one new pair of pants. When it warms up a bit more i will wear capris too, but the real dilema is shoes. I dont' like shoe shopping and honestly most people just wear nikes anyways whether they match or not. I could wear flipflops, but it feels unprofessional. Its pretty laid back at work so it probably doesn't matter, but it feels weird. Other then normal shoes i only have one pair of brown shoes and one pair of black both from the dark ages so i need to get up to speed in that department, but shoes are so expensive. Eh....

Well I've been spending too much money lately so shoes may just have to wait. Tomorrow is annie's wedding so that should be fun and then sunday i'm headed home for father's day. if you could pray for courage and faith that would be good cuz at nike i have my answer to " so what do you want to do with your degree or after nike" down pat and honestly it's not really the truth. i beat around the bush and make it sound good. i'm frustrated with myself cuz i want to say, " well i'm not sure i will use my degree right away. i'm interested in going to india to serve the sick, dying and poor and then maybe i will go to seminary next fall." why can't i just say that!!! I'm such a doubting thomas; i'm my own worst enemy, but its not about me anyway. sunday i'm going to my moms church and that question is going to come from just about every person i talk to, i need help. have a good weekend folks.

God-thought: How are you serving?
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 10:45

Nike 201

employee store, kid sizes. thats all i have to say about that.

2 pairs of shorts

3 dri-fit shirts

1 soccer jacket

Nike 101

Nike is fun. Its only been one day, but this is what I have discovered. I have a cubicle. Its empty now, but it makes me feel somewhat important with my own space, computer and phone number. I need to bring a few things in, but I don't know how much I will actually be there. I do have some projects to work on, so it will come in handy. I'm basically working on salary. I get paid hourly, but my boss told me today that I will always get 40 hrs a week and it doesn't matter too much when i come in or leave. As long as I get my work done and I know there will be days when I'm super busy and stay late or come early, but no work equals free/play time around campus. I hope to fit in workouts, spin cycle class, rock climbing, pilates, a massage, soccer, etc. I saw Kobe Byrant today. He was doing a photo shoot in the room next to me while I was packing up the old training room to move downstairs. My boss flew down to Laguna Beach this last weekend to have dinner with her finacee and Michael Jordan. Her finacee works for brand Jordan and I heard someone teasing her that he is the CEO of brand Jordan. Isn't this all crazy? I mean I knew someone had to work for all these famous people, but I never thought I would meet them. Oh and the best of all my boss knows the Lord. Super Cool. I talked to her briefly about how I became a christian and she told me she had gone to Beaverton Foursquare, but it was gettting too big so they have been trying some other churches. Her fiancee was a youth pastor for awhile and taught sunday school. It was super encouraging to hear. She really has a heart for missions and loves to travel. Its pretty neat.

Its like when I went to Washington D.C. and realized there were these people that loved God that were serving Him in the government and in politics etc. It just opened my eyes to see God and how small my prayers were and what the influence of God truly was. It was in places I never really believed or thought of cuz it was outside of "my small world". I'm realizing the same thing at Nike. I have never prayed for famous people before or the people that interact with them etc. For some odd reason if i did think about it I never believed in my prayers. But now i'm seeing this whole new world that God is obviously a part of and is using christians to influence people, companies, and countries. Its pretty humbling and awesome to be aware of God in a whole new way. He is so huge and nothing is out of His reach. Its pretty cool to think about.

I have a new...

piercing ( you'll just have to wait and see), job (Nike starts tomorrow), roommate (Pilar is fun), idea for next year (all i will say is that it is overseas), desire to go shopping ( i need to do business causal), priority to get groceries (pb toast was the highlight of my day), array of things I want to study in God's word (insecurity, hearing his voice, assumptions, holiness, the poor and suffering) and weakness for ice cream (sometimes its all i think about).

Last day

Today was my last day working at the Alzheimer's facility. It was a normal day, but I'm kinda sad to be leaving not just the people i work with, but the people that live there. They are so precious even though i got punched today multiple times by this one guy. But I love it cuz 4 secs later, if they calm down they are calling you dear and sweetie again. Go figure. I woud like to try and make an effort to go see some of them again. Lets be honest not very many of them have family or vistors. Its a strange feeling knowing you have been part of someones life although they will never know it. Its weird to pray and picture meeting these people some day in heaven, young, happy and healthy. I can't even imagine what that will feel like. I learned a lot about life from watching it slip away. Dying is a strange thing, but we all have to do it. Sorry, that kinda sounds morbid, I'm not trying to be depressing.

On to more fun stuff. Tonight I'm taking Hannah out to Todai for her b-day. Its an all-you-can eat sushi and seafood buffet in Pioneer Place. Its really fun and really really good. I went there last year for my birthday cuz its free on your b-day. So if you would rather have free sushi on your birthday rather than a free burger, go to Todai. It is also the start of the Rose festival in p-town. Tonight is the the Starlight Parade through downtown. We may, by default, get stuck in downtown and watch the parade, but i thought it would be fun if its not raining. I'm totally pysched for a kick back fun night out on the town.

what do you want to know?

A week recap:

Highlights

1. Finally ate at the cheesecake factory. It was amazing. I had the snickers bar cheesecake, yum!
2. Church Saturday night was amazing. One of the best sermons I have heard in awhile. Laura already gave kudos, but PF talked about God-thoughts.
3. Acted on a God-thought and had the most incredible conversation with my mom about Jesus. She is totally seeking Him. I was floored. My mom's salvation is near. It is one of the impossibilities I'm praying for this summer.
4. Spent some good time with my sis for the weekend.

Lowlights

1. My sister and I went to get pics done at sears for my mom's bday and father's day. It was so stressful and took forever. The people working there were, well untrained, unprofessional and never got our pics right. We will see how they turn out.
2. Lacey moved out. Pilar moved in (thats not a lowlight), but i couldn't sleep last night cuz it felt so strange to have a different person in my room.
3. My fingerpolish is chipping and i don't have fingernail polish remover. Its annoying.
4. There is something going on in the spirit realm. The last 4 close friends I have talked to are struggling, dry, low, or have just been feeling kinda numb lately. This isn't technically a bad thing, because there is always a battle before a victory, but its still hard and got some people down. Something is going on so we need to be interceeding and delcaring God's grace, sovereignty and power over whatever it is so we will know how to pray and encourage one another.

My summer verse: "For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment." Luke 1:37 (Amplified bible)

Moving on out

Well my room is about half empty. It makes me sad, but Lacey has most of her stuff packed up. Even her bed is gone because she is house sitting the rest of the week and then going home Sunday. It makes me feel like i should be moving too, but i still have 3 months. My new roommate will be moving in some time next week i think. She will be a lot of fun. She is going to work as a bartender this summer. I have known her since my freshman year and she was the only other senior athletic training student although she is not graduating until dec. We are living very different lifestyles right now, but we both need more of Jesus so I'm sure we will get along. I have no idea what this summer will be like, but I have a feeling it is going to be an adventure.

I still haven't found what i'm looking for

I should not be blogging. I need to be studying, but there was something in me that just took control and now look; here i am blogging. I have to keep it short and sweet. Casey's wedding festivities were amazingly fun and amazingly tiring. It was like one big party that lastest 4 days. Lots of food, no sleep and lots of people. Lacey is home! I'm so thrilled. I have the best roommate ever. I ordered a custom bag from timbuk2 and I should get it this week. I just ate a tasty BBQ hamburger with an awesome dinner and tomorrow is already my "friday". Now I must hit the books.

Wedding Bells

Well tonight is the big kick-off. In case you are unaware Casey, my best friend from home, is getting married this week. She is marrying her HS boyfriend Scott who I have known since we were 14. Strange isn't it? So it turns out people claim I'm responsible for this wedding because Casey moved to Ridgefield her sophomore year in HS and I introduced to her my friend Scott. The rest is history. But its kinda weird that I knew them when they were a "high school" couple and now they are tying the knot. So what does all this mean? Well...

Tonight = the bachelorette party
Thursday = the rehearseal dinner
Friday = wedding
Sat = Brunch with the wedding party

For me it means: a haircut, highlights, pedciure, manicure, a pink dress, pink shoes, seeing old HS friends and yes there is a boy I'm supposed to "meet". Casey and Scott are trying to set me up at their wedding. Ridiculous, but I agreed to it. His name is Mark and he went to college with Scott. They tried to set us up before, but we were too busy with school. He is coming to the wedding so I guess I'll meet him there. Expect absolutely nothing to come of this..unless i catch the bouquet. HA! I feel like i might regret even mentioning this on here. So if you think about it just pray for the rest of my week with my family and old friends. It should be fun.

**Be the Christian you say you are** ** What you believe is what you do, not what you say**

When its 95

This is where I want to be

thanks!

I just wanted all my friends to know that you are incredible and i had the best 23rd birthday ever. It was lots of fun, so thanks for celebrating with me. And kudos to steph who swallowed half a piece of sushi, well done friend. I hopefully got rid of the shopping bug that I caught because I have definetly done my share of supporting our economy the last two days. I came away with 2 new jackets, 3 shirts, a new purse/bag, a wedding present and a graduation present. I still might look for a watch, but its kinda nice not to be tied down by time. Now I need to catch the cleaning/organizing bug cuz my room needs help.

its been a long time

Wow, the last time i was here was april 25. yikes that was forever ago. well i don't even know what to say, graduation has come and gone. no real goodbyes or see ya later, it just kinda ended. I'm fairly confident that college friends will always be college friends. If i think about it too much then i get sad and then i might cry so....anyways. Arizona was amazing. A 5 day backpacking/camping trip into Havasu Canyon was beautiful. The waterfalls were incredible and the adventures were memorable. Once i figure out how to post pics on this thing i will. Maybe i can figure it out. It was definetly relaxing and beautiful.

June 11 is the day. I finally registered for my national certification exam after procrasinating for about 9 months. Its so scary and i'm so nervous cuz this is the "test" of all tests. This is the whole reason i went to college the last 5 years, to become a certified athletic trainer. I have to study all my textbooks from the last 4 years of college and try to remember it for an all day 3 part exam in Cheney, WA. I'm feeling like thats about a 5-6 hour drive from here in eastern washington. Yikes i'm nervous. 4 weeks to study my brains out. Now that it is summer all my friends want to play, ironically i'm the one who has to study.

My last tuesday at fox

Pretty normal day. I'm trying to remember all the things i wanted to get done this week before school was offically out. I feel like there are a million little tasks to keep me busy, but i'll probably end up forgetting to do half of them. We ended our Sex BS ( sex bible study ;) ) tonight with a fun potluck. I can't believe we started it at the beginning of the year. It went by so fast. What a journey of 7 months. Honestly everyone should do it.

I'm still replaying the phone conversation with my now "boss" at Nike, trying to convince myself the phone conversation was not a dream and I am working at Nike. Its weird that this is all happening to me. I'm trying to plan so after i quit my current job but before i start at Nike my sis and i can road trip somewhere fun. I don't know if it will happen, but it would be really cool.

Well i don't have much else to do. So if todays over then there are only 4 days left. I better make a to-do list.

Guess what?

Already a GREAT day = a marionberry scone and carmel latte at coffee cottage, walk with Beth K and a job at Nike! Can it get any better?

quickly

Its totally hitting me. Its crunch time in a good way and i'm blessed that i don't have to really worry about much besides graduation and vacation. Not classes, finals, or moving out. Kudos to y'all who are doing it all. The beach was beautiful and fun tonight. This is my last week at Fox, whoa! Lots to do tomorrow, Nike might call and only 6 days left.

7 days!

I got my cap and gown today!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited i just can't tell you. And now the countdown begins. Are you ready?

god heard me!!!!!!!!

I'm so totally excited right now. God is awesome, I love Jesus!!! Ok so last night coming home from church I started talking about this whole Nike thing with God. I still hadn't heard back and it has been almost a week since they told me I would know, so I figured i didn't get the job. Despite that I told God that I just wanted to know either way. If I didn't get it, I wanted them to miraculously decide to call me and tell me instead of just leaving me hanging and if for some reason they hadn't hired someone yet I wanted to know that too. I asked Him to close this door for sure or show me it was still open. I didn't want to be stuck not knowing either way.

THEN...

This evening I got a message from them saying that the interview process had been delayed and that they still had one more interview, but they would decide on Monday. She wanted to know if i was still interested in the job and told me that she enjoyed meeting with me a couple weeks ago. There is still hope! God hasn't closed that door. I'm excited about it again cuz its still possible. So reassuring to know its in God's hands and not mine. I can't take the credit for this one. All for his glory...

Ways to contact B.F. #50

Calling one of the 3 phones in W. house. Dang, who actually uses that phone to talk on? When i find you i'm going to hug you.

I had to

I had to buy the Yellowcard cd because it was the number 1 cd i heard all week when I was in MS and now it takes me to my happy place. Music is cool like that. Memories. Well whats new friends? Easter weekend was fun. I worked, dyed Easter eggs and had an awesome dinner with the 'rents Sun. evening. Graduation is so close. If i was normal then this would be the last week of classes. I do have a presentation on Thurs which is like my last "assignment" i guess that gives me something to look forward to being done with. I feel like it is anti-climatic, but I might cry when I walk across the stage and see my grandma. I'm the first of her grandkids to graduate from college (but the second youngest in front of my sis) and she has been asking me about it for the last four years every time i see her. If she is crying I for sure will be. I get teary eyed thinking about it, yikes ;). I found an old journal that I started when i was at Linfield, but knew i was coming to Fox. It basically was that spring, summer and 4 years ago when i started Fox, its crazy. I had no idea, what at journey. Well soon I shall be rendevousing (is that a word?) with bitty cent, if i can ever get a hold of her. Where are you?

Ways to contact B.F. #36 blog about her

its the weekend, but not

So its so strange cuz its my weekend, but nobody elses. And even though tomorrow would be optimal hang out time everyone is leaving for the actual Easter weekend cuz its also a 3 day weekend. Ok, that might have been confusing. I'm trying to be productive, but i'm just so unmotivated. Plenty of things i should do nothing i really want to do.

ps MS spring serve pics are on facebook, just a few

the one

well just the one about spring break. Once we landed in MS we had to drive about 3 hours to Pass Christain and we arrived pretty late in the dark and yet you could see there wasn't much there. We attempted to find where we would be staying, but with no luck we pulled into a church parking lot and slept in the car. Seriously my whole serve trip in 3 vans with our stuff for the night. sweet! welcome to MS. Most of us were so tired from not sleeping the night before cuz we were up at 3am Portland time, but yet i still couldn't sleep much cuz the sleep i had gotten was sitting up; from the plane to the car. But we survived, slept a few hours til daylight and then found breakfast. Meals for the week were in this big tent called God's Katrina Kitchen. Cuz it was spring break they fed mostly all volunteers, but this tent has been providing free meals bascially to whoever needs it. Its pretty cool. Our sleeping arrangements ended up being slightly better than the vans for the rest of the week. We slept in the abandoned cleaned out Pass christian library. There was just one big room with mattresses (PTL) on the floor. This was the main headquarters for Campus Crusade.
Every morning the group leaders would get work requests that had been filled out by the community and our team would go do whatever they needed. Our team was split up most of the time doing different projects. We did some yard clean-up, gutted a house ( basically just involved a sledge hammer and crowbar) and put on a new roof for a family. The roof project was our biggest project. A car full of girls showed up at this guys house, knocked on his door with hammers and a pitchfork in hand and tell him we are here to give him a new roof. I can't imagine what he was thinking at the time because i think it was obvious we had no idea what to do. But heck we climbed up on the roof and started ripping of shingles. That is what we are supposed to do right? Well our team completed it from start to finish with the help of a campus crusader that acutally knew how to put on a new roof. It took us 3 days and it was great to bless this older couple George and Margaret, well not that old. The entire inside of their house was destroyed, they were starting to rebuild from the wood framework and George was the one doing it, so being able to give them a new roof for free was a big deal. About 10 people from our team did the roof while the other five took the 3 days to gut a house that had not been touched since Katrina, 7 months ago. All i have to say is, a really really really stinky fridge, everything was garbage from all the stuff to all the walls and the lady wasn't coming back. The house wasn't bulldozed because it was being donated to the historical society. Kudos to my fellow team members because they cleaned out that house.
Being there was strange cuz the city was destoryed and there was not 1 normal looking building in the entire city. The only things that showed life were all the fema trailers. We drove threw the worst hit parts of the city right on the peninsula and all that was left of those homes were the concrete stilts they were on. Some sites only had staircases that were left. No damaged house, no evidence of a house just a dozen stilts where the house used to be. crazy. i have pics but i definetly left my camera in MS in the rental van. hopefully its in the mail. it will take decades to rebuild the city and thats if progress isn't slowed by other hurricanes this summer. one of the locals was saying he has lived through 18 hurricane warnings. Sometimes you stay, sometimes you go, nobody was expecting the magnitude of katrina. One of the houses we gutted flooded to the cieling of the 2nd story and it wasn't even on the waterfront. A 30ft wave surge pushed through the city by 180 mph winds, can't really imagine the size of this storm. All you could see was that nothing was left.
Some of our team, including me didn't want to leave cuz the people their need so much help. You could just pick one family and there would be enough to do for years. Now imagine thousands of families. It was hard to come back and jump right back into school. Thats pretty much all that i can tell you. I mean there are tons of tidbits here and there but thats the big stuff. I know what i did and experienced but i don't know what it all means yet. I'm glad i went. Met some cool people on my team and came away with some new friends.
I'm not going to blog about it cuz this is already tooooooo long, but if you want to know about a highlight of the trip for me not included on this blog, ask me about the Waffle House, brittney or the 7 travelers. Same story, different reminders. :)

wait for it

I have been feeling the pressure to write about my spring break in MS doing hurricane relief, but i'm just not there yet. I haven't processed everything that happened and what it was like being there. It was intense and the city was destroyed. I know God is teaching me a lot and I will have more to say later, but i wanted you to know it was good and i'm home safely. There is so much I could talk about and as I figure out what it all means to me and to the Lord I'll let you know. For now life as started up full steam ahead with my senior thesis due this week, graduation stuff and the last school "to-do list" i will have to write for awhile. whoa here comes life...

Dead man walking

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

I MUST DIE..."I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Gal 2:20
I MUST GIVE UP..."Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39

I MUST BREAK..."The sacrfices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God you will

not despise." Psalm 51:17

I AM THE SACRIFICE.."No, I insist on paying the full price...I will not sacrifice a burnt offering that costs
me nothing." 1 Ch 21:24

broken

Satan is terrified by humility. hmmmmmm.

Bombs are dropping while you're shopping!!!!

Portland was fun. Lacey and I went to hang out for the day on Sunday. I bought some Reefs for half price at Nordstroms rack and also tried on the bridesmaid dress I will be wearing for my best friends wedding in May. It is definetly pink. Its cute sure I guess, but its still a dress and its still pink. I need to go tanning.

There was also the largest peace aka anti war, anti-bush protest I have seen in portland. It totally closed down the streets. It just kept going and there were tons of people marching. There were people chanting and yelling and holding their signs. One woman had a a megaphone and was yelling the above statement. There were people dressed up as the prisoners at Guatanamo Bay, orange jump suits with black covering over their head, who were stopped in the middle of the street. They were hand cuffed and some were standing and some were kneeled. There were like 6 of them I think and the word "Why?" was written on them. It was a powerful statement. Anyways, i felt bad for the poor drivers cuz they just had to wait and we are were in the middle of downtown by pioneer courthouse square so there were lots of cars.

Just so you know my opinion:

Is President Bush a christian: sure
Are christians perfect: no
Has he done minimal good for our country: yes
Is he a bad president: absolutely
Do I pray for Him like the bible says to pray for our leaders: yes
Am I against the war in Iraq: absolutely
Would I go to jail for my opinion: I don't know. Would you?

Christians will have to take a stand. Its been the prophesy of our times and generation.
Would you face persuction for the Word of God? I was wondering if you were going to China if you would smuggle in bibles at the risk of jail and who knows what? When i think about if i would do it, my world gets rocked cuz i would intially justify saying no. However the more I have been thinking about the reason I would say no, I realize that my faith is pointless and worthless and for lack of a better word s---, if I would say no. Think about it cuz I want to know if our generation is ready to say something.

Its been a long day

Work today was interesting. We were short staffed again and usually that makes the time go by fast cuz we are so insanely busy, but it was a slow long and busy day. A lady passed away this morning and out of respect i won't post the story online, but its a funny, not really funny, morid kinda if you think about it too much story. Yeah know what i mean? Anyways encounters with our empty earthen vessels can just be awkard and make for strange stories. I was sad though, wheres her soul? It makes me rethink what is important and if we don't live for God than we really don't live for much.

Then from work i went to observe in the ER. It was interesting and made me remember why I wanted to be a doctor. Its so fun and I truly do love medicine. It would be awesome to do it, but unfortunately not quite as awesome as ministry. But I can't define thats its fun and probably is in me somewhere.

And soon the most important part of my day after laundry and making my lunch for tomorrow is my weekly intercessory prayer meeting. Its funny cuz just within the last year I have known and felt the call to prayer more and intercede. It was one for the first gifts that was drawn out of me after I got saved and maybe thats natural, but my prayer life although i hate to admit it was way more spirit led than it is now. I was also at linfield and in the real world so i had no choice but to rely on the power of prayer. Here i think i have gotten used to praying only if i wanted to not because i have absolutely have to. All that said i have gotten to separate words, one from my youth pastor that I am called to be an intercessor. Its an interesting journey cuz i would have jumped and believed that word a lot easier in the beginning but now i'm like ok, hmmmmm, ok. anyways, after prayer is bed and 7 hrs later a new day. Praise the Lord.

I love church.

My sis is home for her spring break and I convinced her to come over and spend the night Monday. It was great sister time at the Olive Garden, Old Navy and squished on my bed to watch Mean Girls on my computer. I had a gift card for Old Navy so I told my sis I would let her pick out one new outfit. There was a small bit of compromise, but to her liking i ended up buying these "cute" jeans that look like I wore them on serve day. I objected to buying jeans with paint all over them, but stuck to my deal for her sake. I picked out a new jacket and we agreed on a shirt. So anyways who knows when I'll bust it out, but believe me you'll know when its all new clothes. It will be pretty obvious, just look for the jean with paint splatter on my butt. :)

Tonight was the first time I could go to Wed. night church all semester cuz bible study got switched to Wed. Now that it got switched back to Tues I can go to Gen Church again. I was totally in my happy place and I realized how much I missed Wed church. So amazing. Tonight Pastor Nicole from Austrailia spoke about taking a stand. It was good. The parts that grabbed my heart were, "What are your convictions and what are your preferences?" and "I can hear your words, but if I test you, who are you?" Seriously awesome truth to consider and seek the Lord for. Lots to talk to God about.

I had a phone interview with Nike, but it was pretty generic so I can't tell you how it went. I might find out something in the next week or so. San Diego might be a primary option for next year. Still undecided if that is the next step, but my heart is asking the Lord for the answer. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

food for thought: Do we rely on His word? If not, what do we rely on and why?

History

It’s been a bad day
You’ve been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it’s hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can’t stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let’s take a walk into today
And don’t let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

By Matthew West

This song was on my heart for our generation while I was in D.C.

Oh boy.

I am going to be so sore tomorrow. Today was such a fun day snowboarding. I had so much fun and I'm not making that up. It was better than I expected because usually by lunch time I am wet cold and have a concussion, but today was really fun. Have told you how fun it was? I'm really glad I went. I feel bad that LD got sick though cuz we didn't get to go back out, but the conditons got a little intense after lunch anyway. I had so much fun I might actually have to consider going again. Besides, there are some really cool people that didn't get to come this time that will have to come next time. I'm not sure if I will be able to move tomorrow cuz I can alreay feel the lactic acid pooling in my muscles. :) Anyways, heres to the best week yet.

It was totally an accident

So i was filling out my Nike Internship application, but I wasn't planning on submitting it quite yet. I filled out the info, attached my resume but I wanted to think about it more and also look over my resume again. At the last possible page before clicking submit, I clicked save and exit so that I could go back and think about this amazing opportunity before actually applying. But when I checked my email the next day I got an email from Nike HR saying thanks for submitting your application and we will respond after we have reviewed your qualifications blah, blah, blah,. WHAT?!?! I read the email like 5 times and I'm pretty sure I accidently applied for the job. Its not really a bad thing, but I didn't put that much thought into it or pray about it and I hadn't mentally prepared myself for what the outcome could be either way. I was pretty sure I wanted to apply, but now I already did and I didn't do it on purpose. It has kinda caught me off guard. I wasn't totally sure I wanted this internship, but oh well its too late. What does all this mean? ;)

I don't like the taste of envelopes when you have to lick them, but last night I accidently discovered that if you are sucking on a mint while you are licking the envelope, the enevelope tastes minty. This could be a fool proof plan to avoid the awful envelope taste in the future. I always thought they should come up with flavored enevelopes. The same thing smelly markers do for your nose, flavored envelopes could do for your mouth.

btw does anyone remember Squeeze-its?? Do those exsist anymore? They were so cool when I was kid. "SQUEEEEZZZE the fun out of them" Can you imagine how they came up with that name? All these rich people in a board room trying to name this amazing juice product and someone says, "Well you squeeze it." Another person says, "Thats it! We will call it a Squeeze-it!" Wow that makes me laugh out loud. I wonder if it was the same people that invented "push-ups". Those were such a rare treat from the Schwan Ice cream truck, but seriously a "Squeeze-it" and a "Push-up". You gotta love free market, capitalist America. Any idea could be the next big thing. Cool, lets thing of something.

Nike

I have decided to apply for an Athletic Training Internship at Nike. I doubt that I will get it cuz its so outrageous and I bet lots of people will apply, but its an opportunity that would fit into my summer plans. It would be a full time paid internship from June-Aug. I don't really have a reason not to apply so I guess I might as well try. I'm not really expecting anything out of it, but I have to admit I wouldn't turn it down if I got it. Its just really random and I'm not sure what will come of it. hmmmm....

The moral of the story

Well Pride and Prejudice won the battle and there were at least 3 guys that were good sports and watched the whole thing. I, on the other hand kept falling asleep and wasn't really that interested so I just packed. It may be sacreligious, but I really have no interest in watching Pride and Prejudice. I know its supposed to be a classic, but I just don't think i could watch it. I would really really really really have to be in the "mood" to watch it and I doubt that will ever happen. God didn't create me with the urge to watch movies like that.

The last days in D.C were spent at the Holocaust Museum, Georgetown and Arlington Cementary. I was in awe at all three. The Holocaust Museum was really well done and took you through from the Nazis rise to power past liberation and where the Jew went after the war. It demonstrated the whole process of what happened prior to the death camps and how the Holocaust became what it did. It was honestly a good history lesson. At Georgetown I was enlightened about the amount of money people spend for "good" and/or namebrand clothes. Georgetown is this hip trendy downtown area with lots of shopping, food etc. It was amazing to me that outside of my little GFU bubble its normal to spend $175 on jeans, $60 on a hoodie and $80 on a skirt. I don't mean normal for just people in D.C., but normal for some of the people I was with. Not everybody though cuz one of the guys with us that has been homeschooled described Georgetown as being kinda like shock treatment. At Arlington I learned that freedom is not free.

I'm home now and still jet-lagged, but besides that I have a fresh burden and passion for prayer and evangelism. Two powerful neccesities of our christian walk and I was challenged by both. I want to continue to seek and grow in both areas. In regards to His will and plan for the next step all I know is that He said I have asked too small.

pride and prejudice vs. narnia

There is a current debate about what movie to watch. Asim wants to watch Narnia because he is like the only one who hasn't seen it and Lisa wants to watch pride and prejudice. The girls for the most part are on Lisa's side and pretty much nobody is on Asim's side. I bet they will just keep talking about it and then we won't end up watching either one cuz it will be late. We will see. I might just get in the shower. We are going home tomorrow I can't believe we have been gone a whole week. It will be good to be home though. I will be home for 2 wks and then leave for MS for a week. Time is going by so fast. Less then 2 months until graduation. I can't believe it.