home sweet home

I can't believe there are only 3 days until Christmas and 5 days until i leave for hawaii. It has been nice to be home with my family, it definetly has its benefits. Good food, company and the occasional allowance slipped into my pocket to cover the days expenses. However, my family also stresses me out. My mom gets kinda frantic and edgy preparing for the holidays. X-mas dinner is at our house this year and as of tonight we are expecting 32 people! That has got to be the largest family holiday ever. My family isn't that big, but all of my cousins are divorced and some have doubled the size of their families with husband #2 or boyfriends. I believe my entire family on my dads side is coming. Thats crazy. I think there will be 10 kids under 18. Its going to be crazy and my mom is already stressed out. There has also already been lil' sister drama between her and my mom. They bicker like kids and then yell like maniacs. They each have to get the last word in and they both are short tempered. Its not a good combination. My dad and I mostly stay out of it and try to be diplomatic. My parents need Jesus and my sis has Him, but needs more of Him. I'm not sure anyone is really, truly, happy. It break my heart. pray for them
Well i finally have all my x-mas shopping done. I just have to get stocking stuffers for my parents. When I was shopping the other day I accidently bought two things for myself at Old Navy. I found a pair of jeans for $15 and a sweet jacket for like $20. But i don't think I really need them so I might just take them back. I just thought i needed them and couldn't live without them, but I was wrong. I don't really need them at all so i don't really want them. Its true you shouldn't buy things for yourself while christmas shopping. I was at a christian bookstore today doing some shopping and realized that i wish i read more books. I like to read kinda, i guess. Well there are so many books i want to read, but i never finish books. Since this summer i have started 7 books and finished 1. Its so terrible. I don't know why i can't finish them. Maybe I just lose interest or something. Today at the bookstore there were like 5 books that i wanted to read, but even if i had them i don't know if i would finish the whole book. I brought two books home for break so i'm going to try and finish the one I'm reading right now and then maybe start the next one. We will see.. Its possible i won't read at all. I'm so ridiculous.
I was browsing the ministry tools section at the bookstore and found this book talking about finding God's calling for your life called, "When there is no burning bush". I read the statement, "a true calling from God is humanly impossible..." I just wrote in my journal last night that I wanted to take the way that was impossible for man, but possible with God. I want to know God more so that I can know what really is possible. Whats ahead of me feels completely impossible so does that mean it is completely God? My heart wrestles daily.I heard someone say that when you aren't sure what to do, choose the thing that takes the most faith. Thats so hard, but i guess it is supposed to be.