teary eyed

I'm not a good cryer. It is not generally the way i express emotion. My professor tonight in my spirituality and mission class talked about how she was at a prayer meeting where the pastor was praying for the release of spiritual gifts. For her that night she received the gift of tears. She says that there are times when she is burdened in her spirit and literally moved to tears, but as she begins to pray and intercede she generally feels it lift and is at peace. I thought that was pretty incredible and beautiful really.

I, on the other hand, even when i want and need a good release of tears can't always make it come out. A couple months ago I was in a restless place where i no longer had words or strength and just longed for one of those really good cries. I wanted to cry, but i didn't feel like i could. Usually when i need a good cry, I just have to go to a cooperate worship service or watch a sad movie. Its silly, but a friend and i decided to try the sad movie route. We googled the "saddest movies"and ended up picking Steel Magnolias. I'm sorry if i sound insensitive or mean, but we ended up laughing through the whole movie! It was so ironic because all the reviews talked about how this movie was such a classic tear jerker etc. It could have been that it was an older movie, set in the south, the big hair or dolly parton. i'm not exactly sure what it was, but it was not a good movie; so bad it made us laugh. After all that anticipation we couldn't end our "sad movie night" on that note so we watched Blood Diamond. I didn't cry, but it was a really good movie. I was hoping if the move didn't do it, church would, but so far no tears yet.

Then tonight in class we worshiped and then interceded for Mynamar where a cyclone has killed approx 15,000 people. We just prayed with the people sitting next to us and wow, i got teary eyed, just barely, but i was moved by the presence of God. I'm not sure what it was, but I felt it. maybe i need to focus less on myself.